A vlog for you

Warning: contains strong language

Wanted to express myself with a vlog for a change. Hope you enjoy. A new determined focused Moose.

Advertisements

Last full day

Today is the last day of my holiday of a lifetime. It has been the best experience of my life.

I’m ready to go home now and get back to reality and improving myself when I return. I feel reinvigorated rejuvenated and refreshed and have really made the most of my time away.

It’s been amazing not having to worry about the other shit thats gone on and can actually feel like im in control of my destiny.

Changes will be made in terms of my attitude towards people and events and im no longer going to put myself in situations that do not ultimately benefit or enhance my life. People who hurt me will no longer get a second chance. I’m not so desperate for love that I will accept anything.

I’m going to look into courses to improve myself. Definately going to look into learning Spanish as i will be returning to Cape Millor again. The place is stunning.

I’m ready for the next chapter of my life. The last chapter has been ripped out and consigned to the past forever. No more looking back. My head is great my strength is back and im now focused on me again.

I’ve set records for steps taken, I’ve been out exploring daily not just sat around the pool and I’ve loved every single second of it.

I have also proved to myself that I can cope on my own and that’s huge to finally acknowledge that. Now i can choose to be with someone because i want to not cos i feel i have to be with someone.

Enhance my life and improve it or its “adios”

This time tomorrow i will be sitting in the airport waiting for my flight but moose will forever more hold Cala Millor in his heart

Life-changing

Truth is I was worried about going abroad on my own. As much as I like my company I much prefer being around others and if you hadnt noticed this about me- being the centre of attention.

This holiday is life changing for me. I can genuinely say there has not been a time in my life when I have felt so relaxed and chilled out.

No one to tell me where to go, what to do or lie to me lol its heaven and I’m certainly going to travel more often on the back of this!

Do I wish I had a special someone here to enjoy this with? Of course but I’m making the most of my life being what it is right now and making memories for me. Who knows whats around the corner. I’m ready to meet someone again and when the times right she will make herself known, until then its my time for making Garry better, and making me a priority.

I’m loving my life right now, loving Majorca and happy!!

Depression and negativity was left at the airport and I won’t be picking that particular baggage up on my return. Instead im gonna work hard and save for my next holiday..

If you’re on facebook head over to my page where im posting live videos and photos. Not even sorry for the amount…

click here to like the page, share it comment and enjoy!

Here are some photos for you. Excuse the fat bloke in the pictures, thats me šŸ˜­

And yes, any single ladies out there will be pleased to know im available….

el alce en EspaƱa

El Alce is Spanish for the moose…

I’ve arrived and it was emotional. It was like a wave came over me. Relief pride excitement. You see this holiday has now become the last event in my life. Not a break up, not a breakdown but a holiday.

I felt alive!! I feel like the weights been lifted. The perfect end to a less than perfect 12 months. I’ve worked hard and deserve this treat.

And im happy, genuinely happy.

I packed everything but my stresses back home and here im Garry, single and ready to mingle. Camera check jack daniels check happy smiling Garry check!!

Moose on tour

One more sleep. Well technically 2 but there’s no way I will be getting any sleep tomorrow night, especially having to be at the airport at the crack of a sparrows dart! But its almost here.

20 years, broken heart, broken mind and broken spirit since my last trip out of good ole England and im determined to make it a life changing experience.

I want to come back refreshed reinvigorated and maybe reinvented or at the very least moose version 2. My head is clearer than its been for weeks, and whilst other issues still linger in leaving them behind and taking charge of what baggage i take with me.

Moose is ready!

Bags are (almost) packed last minute clothes shopping done and in 36 hours or so i will set foot in Majorca ready for a week of sun sea sex (I can dream lol) and sorting myself out good and proper.

Obviously I wish it was different and I wasn’t going alone but it is what it is. I’m going to enjoy the experience no matter what and maybe one day will have someone worthy of a holiday with me. Certainly im no longer feeling like im not good enough because when the right person comes along at the right time it will all fall into place.

Expect plenty of updates over the next week or so. Moose is coming along for the trip and will share as much as possible with you.

For a week at least good bye depression, broken heart, low self esteem and negativity

Now if only I could find my passport….

The Changing Moose

Seems my new look, as it were, has had quite the impact. I’ve had lots of people notice the difference and more compliments in past few days than in the past few years!.

It’s been very good for the ego let me tell you! Sure im still a fat bastard but nowhere near as bad as I thought. And im certainly feeling a lot better in myself being told how much younger i look without the facial hair and stuff.

I have heard the following quote many times and always kind of dismissed it as rubbish but its very true.

I am so damn hard on myself that I forget the good things about me. Too busy listening to the opinion of others who dont know the real me and more worried about their feelings than recognising the fact that actually im fucking awesome. Judge me on how i am with you and how i treat you not anything else. I’m loyal great fun to be around and ultimately having me in your life as a friend means you’re bloody lucky…. did I mention im humble and modest too?

I’m listening to music a lot lately and one favourite song keeps coming into my head from nowhere…

I do need you now, I do think about you a lot and have great memories of you. So im going back, knowing the risks and the potential consequences. So I’m restarting a relationship again with my eyes wide open and im looking forward to it…..

I’ve missed you Jack. Cheers!!! Down the pub I go.

And as for attracting what I am…

I want greatness I want love and so help me God I will get it.

As the song goes…
It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
For me
And I’m feeling good
I’m feeling good

An Anniversary to remember

Thanks to the memories/on this day function on Facebook I was reminded that on this day 5 years ago I took an overdose. Obviously it wasn’t successful but it has reminded me how far I have actually come despite the recent set back.

It doesnt matter how bad I’m feeling that option has never occurred to me again and that is progress.

Yes I have been through the worst period of my life these last 12 months but I get up every day and go to work. Haven’t taken any time off sick I’m getting on with shit and trying to move on with life.

If I stop and look properly at things then I can see how much better off I am in terms of my mental health and I’m absolutely guilty of being too hard on myself and taking blame for things not my responsibilty.

So today I’m thankful that 5 years ago I failed and I’m going to focus back on positives. I’m not going backwards no matter how much the black dog barks.

So here is a better photo. Contacts, haircut and clean shaven….maybe even a smile….

Get ready Majorca Moose on tour is coming your way!!!

Moose today

Here is a photo of me today. I dont even recognise the person in the photo.

I’ve got myself some contact lenses again as I hate my glasses and lenses give me more confidence about my appearance but i look fucked, drained, tired.

Form an orderly queue single ladies

From today I’m going to (try) treat myself better, be kinder to myself and focus on the good qualities I have, and there are more good than bad!

I’ve had the best nights sleep I’ve had in weeks and this time next week I will be on the plane to Majorca.

I met up with an old friend last night and thats really perked me up too. I am a people person and love the company of others. I feed off people so I need to make more effort in that sense.

I want to write more again, express myself without worrying about who reads it. Time to be selfish again for my own sake.

Back to the Drs

6 years later and here I sit in the waiting room at the Drs ready to ask for some help again. This time I have not met this particular GP so have no bond or relationship with him or her.

It’s all getting too much, the insomnia, the self doubt, the feelings of hurting, emotions getting best of me. So here I go again albeit in a much better position than all those years again. The last 12 months really have taken their toll on my mental health and maybe I’m guilty of trying too hard, too long and bottling up my feelings about what I’ve been through.

I have my holiday next week to look forward to, so this visit to Drs and probably prescription of antidepressants will come in the nick of time. I need to get away from reality for a bit and thats why I’m jumping on a plane and (hopefully) leaving all this shit behind me.

I’m sick of feeling unloveable, second best and unwanted. I am worthy of more and I am determined that this will be a temporary solution just to allow me to get my head in a better place.

I can’t and won’t allow anyone to send me back to my darkest days but right now I’m just to exhausted to do it by myself.

As I have said countless times…. asking for help in a sign of strength not weakness.

The Head Fucked Moose

I’m still not right, I’m battling every day but still somethings wrong. I haven’t managed to get to the Dr yet as its easier to find rocking horse shit than get an appointment when it doesn’t impact on work. They suggest calling in the morning to get an appointment but after 38 calls on my last day off by the time i get through all the days appointments are long gone.

So each day I get up leave for work and arrive at least hour and half earlier than necessary just so I’m out the house and not tempted to just go back to bed. But I’m stressing out over silly things short fused and bloody exhausted mentally and aching physically.

I need a holiday!

Which is exactly what I have treated myself too. For the first time since 1998!!!! I will be heading out of the UK and going to Majorca for a week. I’m slightly worried that I’m going on my own but hopefully it will do me the world of good.

It’s been a year since my world fell apart and I’ve reached the point of feeling worse than in a long long time so getting away is kinda like make or break for my head. Worst year of my life to be honest and sometimes I’m amazed I’ve got through it.

Despite what people may have been told Im a good person, sociable etc so should meet people out there but in case I dont I have bought myself a decent camera so can use photography as an outlet assuming I can figure out how to use it.

I don’t need drama in my life right now. I dont need people disappearing on me or people suddenly contacting me out the blue. I’m vulnerable and struggling. I want stability, love and effort. I need my outlets back to help me and I know I have to do more for myself but sometimes just ensuring I’m up out the house and at work is accomplishment enough.

I’m my own worst enemy and maybe, just maybe the fat ugly person I see in the mirror isnt the image others have of me. My self esteem is very low and its taken an absolute hammering over the past year.

Hopefully this long time coming holiday in Majorca will be the making of me again.