Seeing Through People

I lie a lot to people these days,

Its a big decision to make,

But to tell someone the honest truth about how you feel,

Is often more than they can take.

 

They might ask how you are,

but are they asking because they care?

Or a sense of obligation?

do they really want you to share?

 

I grit my teeth and show the world a smile,

To mask the real pain inside,

“I’m doing great”, “I am fine”

in fact I’m looking for somewhere to hide.

 

Yet survival comes naturally to me,

I CAN do this on my own,

So when you read about how down I am,

you can fuck off instead of moan.

 

I do not need people around me,

who simply drain my energy.

I’m moving forwards at my own pace,

In my own style unique to me.

 

I’ll take the risks that I see fit,

and watch the cards as they fall,

right or wrong this is what I want,

No challenge too big or too small.

 

I will find my way with friends by my side,

not stabbing me in the back,

Leaving behind the users, abusers,

and those who give me flack.

 

I am no longer here to help just you,

and neglecting the most important thing.

This is my life, my journey, My adventure

and I’m excited to see what the future may bring.

 

I have a few friends who see right through,

the lies that I occasionally spit out,

These are the ones I can turn to,

when there are times of doubt.

 

And for the others be aware,

that you’re being left in the past,

No more will I allow the hurt and pain you cause,

to stop this train from going fast.

 

Trigger Warning…..It (almost) Killed Me…

This has been in my drafts file for a while, not indicative of how I feel or felt at the time.

No suicidal thoughts here before anyone starts to panic, but when the creative juices flow I just let it out.

This is one of many drafts that I will be posting in the coming days.

If anyone has any suicidal thoughts or any issues with suicide I would suggest not reading this

 

 

I left the house with many bad thoughts running through my brain,

My tears falling down my face like the heaviest of rain.

Alone and scared I made my way to the pre-selected place,

The time had come to stop wearing that fake smile upon my face.

 

The light was staring right at me,

I knew the time was right,

Once last look at the world I knew,

On this, my final night.

 

On to the track I hurled myself,

As the train came roaring past,

The pain would soon be over,

the next breath would be my last.

 

I missed the train and landed on the track the other side,

Cursing my luck I sat on the verge and openly I cried.

But there was another way, and other things to try.

I wandered to my next location with a grimace and a sigh.

 

The cars were racing down below me,

I wouldn’t feel a thing,

Released myself from the bridge over them,

and see what the landing would bring.

 

As my luck would have it,

I landed just behind a passing lorry,

It seems I couldn’t time it right,

Another reason to be sorry.

 

Drowning would be the best idea,

because I’m not a swimmer,

I threw myself in to the sea,

Hoping to be the fishes dinner.

 

Alas a passing fisherman saw me in me mid flight,

He dragged me from the water and pulled me up into the light,

He spoke to me with kindly words, tried his best to make me alright.

This was not my real destiny, I had to start to fight.

 

Back home I sat all alone,

The darkness my only friend.

Until I saw all the missed calls, and messages on my phone,

This was not the way for it to end.

 

The more I thought, the more I felt relieve,

that I held on a little longer,

It only goes to show,

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

 

 

 

 

I Hate….

I hate the way you walked away,

so easily and carefree,

I hate the way you could so readily,

Feel nothing over me.

 

I hate the fact I meant so little,

so easy to forget.

I hate the fact that I’m the only one hurting,

and you have no remorse or regret.

 

I hate the way you could move on,

without a backwards glance.

I hate the fact I tried so hard,

And you never gave it a second chance.

 

I hate the fact I cry at night,

While you’re out with friends having fun.

I hate the fact I always knew,

That you were my special one.

 

I hate the fact I can let go,

no matter how hard I have tried,

I hate the way you changed so much,

full of stubbornness and pride.

 

I hate the fact you do not care,

that the love we had has gone.

I hate the way you flicked a switch

and can just carry on.

 

I hate the fact that 3 months on,

I miss you more each day.

I hate knowing you ignore me,

never listening to what I have to say.

 

I hate the fact you treat me this way

and no matter what you do…

I hate knowing that despite all this

I can’t stop loving you!

Free Today

I have made 2 of my ebooks free today on Amazon!

All I ask is that you write a review if you like the books and help spread the word to others (hopefully this will increase sales as total sales in 2 months is currently 1 book!)

free ebboks

 

head over to Amazon NOW and get the books! if you look closely at the photo you can see my other free book on the bottom left!

click here

00.00

As the clocks turns to midnight a new day begins!

 

The clock turns to midnight.

A new day begins.

The moose is gently sleeping

wondering what the new day will bring.

 

Feeling good or feeling down,

I have but no idea,

what matters is that at 23.59

I will still be here!

 

Watching sun rising, then watching it set,

I made it through the day.

I celebrate that once again

I didn’t let depression stand in my way.

 

Accepting today may be hard on me,

But working through my pain

Soon midnight will reappear

And I start the battle again!

 

Today is the present

Yesterday is now in the past.

I can forget what happened on that day

Knowing any bad days cannot last!

 

Each day is guaranteed twists and turns,

Depression works in this way

Chalk up a victory for me though

I made it through another day!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What I see Part 2

photo credit: http://liveandbeloved.wordpress.com/2013/02/18/free-paper-lesson-of-the-week/

 

I have been asked to write a poem,

with much less negativity.

A chance to be more appreciative

About the good things in me.

 

I’m 16 stone of love machine

A sex god if you will,

And all achieved without the need,

for a magic blue pill!

 

with charm, charisma and wonderful humour,

I should be on the tele,

I could be the new Keith Lemon,

with less ginger and more belly.

 

A big strong heart and caring nature,

A moose just like no other,

But the sun would have a field day,

with stories sold by my evil twin brother! (sorry David)

 

I can laugh at my misfortune,

I don’t take myself too seriously,

I’d make a great presenter,

And pronounce all my letter unlike “wossy”

 

People open up to me,

They feel I’m someone they can trust,

But don’t leave me near your pizzas,

I’d eat it all and leave the crust!

 

Strong minded but gentle,

wise beyond my years.

I will hold your hand and guide you

As you take on your fears!

 

My strength comes from helping others,

seeing the victories they make.

No victory to small, no challenge we cant face,

I will be there every step of the way with dignity and grace.

 

A message of encouragement,

A simple “are you Okay?”

Knowing someone has your back

Makes such a difference to your day.

 

I’m that person, the one on who you can rely,

Celebrating your successes, or listening while you cry.

You can talk to me about any issues,

I will be here handing out the tissues.

 

If I look real hard I can see,

There are some real good qualities in me!

It is thanks to some good people out there,

To remind me to treat myself with more care.

 

So one day when your watching TV,

You just might find a moose,

fingers crossed its not crimewatch,

being caught doing things with a goose!

 

I will be famoose one day,

Just you wait and see,

a brand new television show

entitled “The Moose and Me”

 

I’d go around the country,

helping others with their woes,

overcoming life real troubles,

it would be a series of uplifting shows!

 

Behind the lack of confidence,

is a man with quite a big dream,

famous for helping other people,

how ridiculous does that seem?

 

But that is how I see myself,

someone to help the masses.

Putting myself in the public eye,

so we can kick some collective asses!

 

A man who is open and honest,

sharing his experiences with nowhere to hide.

Fuck this negative crap,

I should be full of pride!

 

I have a great sense of humour,

I think I am rather witty.

No more being hard on myself,

and making myself feel shitty!

 

I’m gonna focus on the good things,

The qualities that you seem to like,

from this moment on,

Negativity can take a hike!!!

 

 

Thanks to Barry for encouraging me to try this!

Stepping Into the Light is Free Today!

To try and generate some interest in my books I have made the book of poetry, Stepping into the light – poems from the darkness, free today in the Amazon Kindle store.

You don’t even need to have a kindle you can download and install the Kindle for pc app from amazon and view it.

Please help to promote this book I would be very grateful.

If you do purchase and read the book please be kind enough to write a review of it on Amazon to help more people decide to buy it in the future.

Amazon.com click here

Amazon.co.uk click here

Amazon.ca click here

The book, as are all my others are also available on Amazon sites in France, Germany, Japan, Spain, Italy and Brazil.

Thank you!

Even I can afford a free book

Stepping into the Light – Poems from the Darkness is alive!

I did it, I DID IT!!

I have published a second book. It is the poetry book that I was talking about has been uploaded to smashwords and is alive!!

over 40 people have contributed poems to the book and I am very very very proud of myself today! This book will hopefully raise some money for Mind from sales as well.

The book can be found here please help spread the word!

 

Stepping into the Light – Poems from the Darkness

So being inspired by so many people and with an urge to help others with depression I have come up with the idea of publishing books written by people with Mental Health Illnesses. There are lots of books written by medical professionals, especially self help style books but from my limited research not much written by us sufferers.

I am starting with poetry as I feel it can be the sincerest, most honest way of expressing our feelings but imagine if this was successful we could extend the range and add images, short stories anything creative that helps us in our recovery and everyday lives.

This is where you come in! I need help with spreading the word to get this book up and running with submissions, creative input, suggestions and anything else you can offer to keep me motivated.

The book is going to be called “Stepping into the light – Poems from the Darkness

Please send your submissions to me thedepressedmoose@hotmail.com with a brief background of your story

example Garry 33 suffers from Depression and Anxiety.

I reserve the right to not include any poetry submitted and by submitting your work you give me the right to use it for publishing if I so wish.

The last date to submit your poetry is 30th August as I am looking to publish this via smashwords on 1st September.

Idea for book cover

 

Above is the idea submitted by “K” for a cover please feel free to come up with your own suggestions or edits of this version. Ideally I would like to add “The Depressed Moose Presents” in front of the title.

The charity Mind will receive 50% of the money raised, 30% go to smashwords as publishers and 20% goes to me to cover my time and work.

 

Drowning

Under the waves,

The current too strong,

Being dragged under.

Drowning.

 

Deserted by my strength,

The fight long gone,

Accepting my fate,

Drowning.

 

No glimmer of hope,

No one to rescue me,

Alone and scared,

Drowning.

 

Nothing but darkness,

No sign of escape,

Nothing to comfort me,

Drowning.

 

Closing my eyes,

waving the white flag,

Defeated and broken,

Drowning.