My last post on here was written in July whilst sitting on a balcony in Majorca, amazing how much has changed since those days isn’t it. I’ve tried writing so many times to update my situation and thoughts, feelings and all other inane stuff that has become my life these days but the block has been strong so here I go…free writing, trying not to over think it and letting the words do the work.
This lockdown is brutal. The first week was a novelty thing of having time off work, being lazy and staying indoors but a month later and the walls are closing in. I miss the social interaction that I thrive on. I need people in my life and feed off the laughter, eye rolling and, often, shock that comes from conversation with my friends, colleagues, customers or just random people when I’m out on the tiles..
Sitting around in my room is not great for a people person. So you would think it would be the perfect opportunity to take this time for writing and distraction and maybe I’ve put to much pressure on myself to do just that.
Exercising daily is tough on my knees. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia recently which was a relief because the problems with my body failing me has been a massive issue over the past few years. I try walking but one hours walking equates to two days of pain… some days are better than others. I manage to hold down a full time job despite the pain but not having the structure of working means most days I’m just stuck at home. I go to work because it keeps me going, I was out of work for 7 years due to depression and I need to be out there working for my own sanity. I love my job, my colleagues are great to work alongside and as much as I may get pissed off with some aspects of bar work it’s a great line of work for a sociable person like me.
The struggle is real people, not just for me but for millions around the world and we are a long way from returning to “normal” so how are some of you coping with isolation? I’m keen to know what tips you can share with others. Are you learning more about yourself?
From that perspective I’ve grown massively over the last 3 years in terms of how I see myself and the qualities that I have. Low self esteem is, and probably always will be an issue for me. It’s part of why I dont write as much, feeling like people are not interested in what I have to say because I look at the numbers of views, compared to say 7 years ago and it’s gone from hundreds a day to a few a month. Obviously it’s because the output isnt there, if there is nothing to read people cant view it… try telling my brain that.
So hopefully this can be the start of using a talent that I’ve ignored for too long.
Remembering how many lives I’ve touched and could reach again could be just the kick up the arse I need and I need to thank Antonella and James for the kind words in this regard.
I’ve got time on my hands, maybe I can use it for writing instead of stuffing my face but that’s another story…
Let’s get the moose #famoose again…
See you in the comments