I’m back in London, have been for a month now but worse than that is that I’m back at rock bottom again.

The relationship I thought would be the happy ever after I crave has ended and yet again I’m not good enough to be someone that people want to fight for. As so often I’m disposable and easily forgotten.
So here I am jobless with £11 to my name and seriously unlikely to find a job until after the new year. I am claiming universal credits but thats a monthly benefit which is worked out over a 4 week period..what this means is that because I received the last of my weekly pay from my last job within those 4 weeks I will be entitled to absolutely nothing until the 21st January.. for those people who think people on benefits have it easy let that sink in. I’m lucky to have a roof over my head at my mums but I need to contribute as we are using around £70 a week in gas and electric as we are on a key meter.
I’m feeling very sorry for myself, I’m broken and withdrawing from everyone again. I’m tired of being the only one to reach out to people, seems if I don’t message people first no one wants to see how I am. Besides 2 people who stay in touch..
I cant see any hope right now. I just don’t have any strength left to get through Christmas, in a place I don’t want to be and a hopeless situation..
I need a job desperately, I need a miracle.. I need something positive and yet all I can see is more shit in the future
Merry fucking Christmas indeed..
If anyone can help and I hate having to ask but to say I’m desperate is an understatement please do not judge me too harshly. I have a donate button on my website or you can follow this link https://www.paypal.me/garry1978