Moose’s 30 days..day 4

This is a post dedicated to friends old and new. I’ve made more friends in past 12 months than in last 20 years and each one brings something different.

I’m part of an ever increasing social circle with people from the 30+ mens fitness group encouraging me to be more active and supporting me when I impulsively/drunkenly sign up for running events to offering an ear if required. Although I’m no longer in that program it’s great to see people have stuck around and continue to send kind words etc via Facebook and if I see them in the pub.

New friends and colleagues from the railway bell who I can have a good drink with but not only that I can talk openly about depression etc with many of them too

Lest we forget the faithful friends, those who didnt give up on me when I disappeared with no warning, those who would be there without hesitation if needed.

I’m very lucky to have them and in turn they all will agree (with enough persuasion) that having an awesome moose in their lives is worthwhile.

I’m thankful for all the friends in my life. The moosettes and mooseketeers who allow me to be myself while reigning me in when required…

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Moose’s 30 days….day 1

I’m down in the dumps lately and there is no simple explanation for it. A combination of factors keeping the clouds overhead.

So I’ve made a promise to my best friend that I will be positive from now on in the hope it bring about a change in luck and attitude.

I dont write at all these days, I feel like no one reads it or wants to know my shit when we all have our own issues and demons to deal with. Of course that’s not the case, I’m an inspiration to others I’m #famoose!!

So here’s the deal, you keep reading, sharing, liking, commenting and I will keep writing….

30 days of positives, 30 days of posting all the good things i have in my life, things i have done to be proud of etc etc

This way you can write back with your positive things, let’s focus on what we have rather than what we dont have….. and I have so many good things if I step back and open my eyes

#mooses30days

#positivethinking

Day 1

Friends and family

I have amazing friends. Special people who put up with my impulsiveness, dad dancing, cocktail drinking, sarcasm, womanizing (in my head only lol) and general rollercoaster emotional state.

Without them I’d be a long time gone.

Thanks Amy, Karl, Sonny, Antonella, Mary and Maria in particular. Always supportive, never judgemental and absolutely blunt when needed.

My amazing kids Brandon and Lilybet, my sister Amy and my new family at the Railway Bell. Colleagues or punters all part of an exciting new circle of people in my life that I’m enjoying being a part of…

Thank you all!!!

May not always show gratitude but I try when I can…

Life-changing

Truth is I was worried about going abroad on my own. As much as I like my company I much prefer being around others and if you hadnt noticed this about me- being the centre of attention.

This holiday is life changing for me. I can genuinely say there has not been a time in my life when I have felt so relaxed and chilled out.

No one to tell me where to go, what to do or lie to me lol its heaven and I’m certainly going to travel more often on the back of this!

Do I wish I had a special someone here to enjoy this with? Of course but I’m making the most of my life being what it is right now and making memories for me. Who knows whats around the corner. I’m ready to meet someone again and when the times right she will make herself known, until then its my time for making Garry better, and making me a priority.

I’m loving my life right now, loving Majorca and happy!!

Depression and negativity was left at the airport and I won’t be picking that particular baggage up on my return. Instead im gonna work hard and save for my next holiday..

If you’re on facebook head over to my page where im posting live videos and photos. Not even sorry for the amount…

click here to like the page, share it comment and enjoy!

Here are some photos for you. Excuse the fat bloke in the pictures, thats me ūüė≠

And yes, any single ladies out there will be pleased to know im available….

The Changing Moose

Seems my new look, as it were, has had quite the impact. I’ve had lots of people notice the difference and more compliments in past few days than in the past few years!.

It’s been very good for the ego let me tell you! Sure im still a fat bastard but nowhere near as bad as I thought. And im certainly feeling a lot better in myself being told how much younger i look without the facial hair and stuff.

I have heard the following quote many times and always kind of dismissed it as rubbish but its very true.

I am so damn hard on myself that I forget the good things about me. Too busy listening to the opinion of others who dont know the real me and more worried about their feelings than recognising the fact that actually im fucking awesome. Judge me on how i am with you and how i treat you not anything else. I’m loyal great fun to be around and ultimately having me in your life as a friend means you’re bloody lucky…. did I mention im humble and modest too?

I’m listening to music a lot lately and one favourite song keeps coming into my head from nowhere…

I do need you now, I do think about you a lot and have great memories of you. So im going back, knowing the risks and the potential consequences. So I’m restarting a relationship again with my eyes wide open and im looking forward to it…..

I’ve missed you Jack. Cheers!!! Down the pub I go.

And as for attracting what I am…

I want greatness I want love and so help me God I will get it.

As the song goes…
It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
For me
And I’m feeling good
I’m feeling good

Happy Moose Happy Garry

Recovery from a break up is hard going and emotionally draining. It requires a painful mixture of self reflection, acceptance, acknowledgement and letting go of love and dreams. There is no time line when it comes to healing and certainly no handbook on dealing with the issues and potential baggage that can follow you around afterwards.

If you have a scab and keep picking at it the wound remains open and takes longer to heal each time. I guess I’ve been a scab picker for months almost letting it heal then reopening the wound. Its almost sado masochistic in the sense that I was encouraging myself to feel pain.

Eventually I found myself enjoying the pain less and less finding the whole scab picking tedious and detrimental to my life and as im a cold hearted bastard I knew I’d reach a point of shutting down and switching off my feelings.

Im often told im a negative person “glass half empty” kind of person and by nature have a miserable looking face, I dispute that last one to be honest its not a miserable face its the weight of my chins pulling my smile down into a frown….but thats a different story

I made a conscious effort to be positive and happy. To stop putting myself in a position of vulnerability and hurt and take back whats mine. My self respect, my dignity and my life.

I feel like a new me, a happier me again. Like the Garry of old before I was worn down and stopped looking after myself.

I am a good person, I have a great sense of humour a warm personality and many other good qualities. Sure I fuck up at all times but show me a human who doesn’t get it wrong and I’ll show you a liar.

I’m ready to start living in the now and not the past, make plans with friends meet someone new eventually and never look back again. No baggage, no hang ups and no letting my limitations and expectations being dropped.

Im happy again and no matter what gets thrown my way I’m gonna keep smiling.

I want to live again and try new things. Its 20 years this year since I went abroad for a holiday! Now is a good opportunity as its also my 40th birthday this year. Could i really just book myself a trip somewhere and spend my 40th on my own in a foreign place? Or who knows by then (November 29th get the date in your diary for cards and presents) I could have met someone and be starting my 40s with someone special. You just dont know whats around the corner do you but I’m ready to experience a happier life again.

My Facebook page, which can be found here¬†is becoming more popular and I’m enjoying the contributions from people and reacquainting myself with some old friends.

I’m also attending an acting class on Fridays now as a new outlet which so far is great, despite working too much lately there are lots of potentially new exciting opportunities on the horizon. Working on a new book, possibly writing plays, even acting who knows. I’m meeting new people, spending time with friends and generally being me again. If I can make you laugh when you’re at my counter at work, or in my company then I’m happy.

After all I’m a funny guy! Gratuitous Goodfellas scene opportunity! contains strong language but a classic…

Outlet, Outlet, Outlet. Cannot emphasis enough how important is it to have one. Obviously what works for me might not be what works for you but unless you try something different you just do not know what will be your thing. Trial and error is key. Getting something wrong is not failing, its trying to improve yourself and that’s never a bad thing.

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Losing Weight and Feeling Great

Okay I admit it I was wrong about this whole exercise thing!

I am starting to notice the rewards for my effort in the gym and I’m enjoying my time there. I am getting known by the staff there and starting to interact with more people.

My IBS had been playing up last week so much so that I only went on Monday so when I walked through the doors again yesterday it was nice to be asked by the staff where I had been and how was my training going.

I pushed really hard during my workout yesterday and it was a nice feeling to have the sweat pouring off me knowing I was working the hardest I could physically without causing any damage! I am painfully aware of my limitations but have felt the need to up my game slightly so that I can get maximum reward for effort and I have felt the difference in my mental health as a result of exercising regularly.

It’s more about the fact that I am out of the flat more often than any¬†endorphin’s released through exercise. The level of support I receive from people online also contributes massively to my mental health as it is great to know people are willing you to succeed.

I finally managed to wake up early enough to attend a yoga class at gym today.

Early enough, in fact, to spend 30 minutes on the treadmill BEFORE the class!

I am hoping having a good ole stretch of muscles will ease the pain in my knees and am proud to report that I did not fart and did not follow through despite being in some father “interesting” positions.

The downwards facing dog has been rechristened “the dead moose” but I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed the class and will be attending on a regular basis all being well! I am so proud of myself for trying something like this which is completely out of my comfort zone – but one complaint I have is about the amount of mirrors! I look like a beached whale, so much so in the suggestions box I posted the following

“can we get the mirrors from the funfair that change your body shape!”

not sure its gonna happen LOL but one can try.

I am also pleased to report that I was actually told today “your losing weight!”

The fact is I have now lost 1 stone (14 lbs) but to have someone else acknowledge it felt great! It certainly inspires me and gives me added encouragement to know that people are noticing the changes in my body.

 

Besides this I am feeling confident enough to pose for some photos and we all know I love a semi naked moose photo or 4!

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I get bored easily and that is never good when there is a camera around ūüėÄ

What I see Part 2

 

I have been asked to write a poem,

with much less negativity.

A chance to be more appreciative

About the good things in me.

 

I’m 16 stone of love machine

A sex god if you will,

And all achieved without the need,

for a magic blue pill!

 

with charm, charisma and wonderful humour,

I should be on the tele,

I could be the new Keith Lemon,

with less ginger and more belly.

 

A big strong heart and caring nature,

A moose just like no other,

But the sun would have a field day,

with stories sold by my evil twin brother! (sorry David)

 

I can laugh at my misfortune,

I don’t take myself too seriously,

I’d make a great presenter,

And pronounce all my letter unlike “wossy”

 

People open up to me,

They feel I’m someone they can trust,

But don’t leave me near your pizzas,

I’d eat it all and leave the crust!

 

Strong minded but gentle,

wise beyond my years.

I will hold your hand and guide you

As you take on your fears!

 

My strength comes from helping others,

seeing the victories they make.

No victory to small, no challenge we cant face,

I will be there every step of the way with dignity and grace.

 

A message of encouragement,

A simple “are you Okay?”

Knowing someone has your back

Makes such a difference to your day.

 

I’m that person, the one on who you can rely,

Celebrating your successes, or listening while you cry.

You can talk to me about any issues,

I will be here handing out the tissues.

 

If I look real hard I can see,

There are some real good qualities in me!

It is thanks to some good people out there,

To remind me to treat myself with more care.

 

So one day when your watching TV,

You just might find a moose,

fingers crossed its not crimewatch,

being caught doing things with a goose!

 

I will be famoose one day,

Just you wait and see,

a brand new television show

entitled “The Moose and Me”

 

I’d go around the country,

helping others with their woes,

overcoming life real troubles,

it would be a series of uplifting shows!

 

Behind the lack of confidence,

is a man with quite a big dream,

famous for helping other people,

how ridiculous does that seem?

 

But that is how I see myself,

someone to help the masses.

Putting myself in the public eye,

so we can kick some collective asses!

 

A man who is open and honest,

sharing his experiences with nowhere to hide.

Fuck this negative crap,

I should be full of pride!

 

I have a great sense of humour,

I think I am rather witty.

No more being hard on myself,

and making myself feel shitty!

 

I’m gonna focus on the good things,

The qualities that you seem to like,

from this moment on,

Negativity can take a hike!!!

 

 

Thanks to Barry for encouraging me to try this!

MARvelous aCHievements (March)

Right here we go! time to stop focusing on the negatives and start banging our own drums and trumpets!

In my infinite wisdom I have declared March to be the month to celebrate our MARvelous aCHievements (see what I did there? genius I tells ya!!)

Time to focus on anything we have achieved in the past Рthere is nothing too small that we can celebrate. The small things soon snowball into something bigger, yet without that first small success nothing would have happened!

So who is with me on this? lets all talk about our wonderful successes and kick negativity into touch for a while!

To get the ball rolling let me refer you to this time last year…

March 2012 was the month that I was ready to end it all! Window was opened and my feet were on the sill ready to jump.

This post here will remind you of my darkest hour My Point of no return

and now look at me 12 months on

  • I write a blog aimed at helping others
  • I have self published 3 books that have sales in 3 figures
  • People come to me looking for support and guidance
  • over 40 thousand people have read my blog!
  • I have made more new friends this past 12 months than at any time in my life!

thats five things to celebrate and feel proud about! I bet you can come up with some for yourself as well!

how about sharing them on twitter with us all using #MooseMarch and lets have some fun with feeling good about ourselves for a change!

 

 

“Famoose”

Yep you read that right after yesterdays shenanigans I am now famous, or to spell it correctly famoose!

Well that of course is not true in any sense but it sure as hell was an exciting day, luckily I was prepared today for being back to “normal” and had no expectations of a repeat performance. This is an important step for me though because usually I would have been on a complete negative day today trying to live up to the figures of yesterday.

It appears I am finally making progress with the negativity that plagues me!

Of all the symptoms of depression this is my biggest challenge, trying to fight the inner demons of feeling like a failure and so this week I make a pact with myself to focus on the positive of everything that I attempt for the whole of the week.

It is a big challenge but one I am determined to do because I feel it will help me the most with my recovery if I can remain positive, or at the very least be more positive than negative.

It will involved looking at things from an entirely new perspective but should be an interesting opportunity to really take stock of how far I have come in 6 months.

Here is a top 10 list of things I can be positive about in the 6 months since my diagnosis

  1. Helping other people with depression
  2. Inspiring people to write blogs to help themselves
  3. Attempting to raise money for Mind through Stepping into the Light – Poems from the Darkness book
  4. Learning how to self publish books
  5. Learning how to communicate with my wife about my problems
  6. Asking for help when I need it
  7. Making new friends via WordPress, Facebook and Twitter – more new friends in a real sense not a gaming friend who I never speak to.
  8. Letting go of things from my past that have held me back – like visiting my Uncles old home
  9. Being open and honest about my illness instead of holding it all in
  10. Accepting that I have an illness and trying to beat it rather than wallowing in the self pity state I lived in for 18 months previously

Thats not bad for starters is it?

And best of all I can still accept yesterday as a great day without it impacting on the rest of my week and how I feel.

Onwards and Upwards folks for tomorrow is a new day and with it comes new challenges.

Swimming Against the Tide

Apologies to all poetry is not my thing but I had a request by someone close to me who asked me to do a poem to describe my feelings. Go easy on me please the last poem I wrote was nearly 20 years ago in school with the English teacher “forcing” me to do it. Well she didn’t force me as such but I had to do against my will.

I hope you like it! I have not been this nervous about something I have written before in my life…..

Swimming Against the Tide

My eyes tell the story,

They know my mouth just lied,

The clouds are still dark ones,

I’m swimming against the tide

 

Waves crashing around me,

My demons dragging me under,

The black clouds bring not just rain,

Now here comes the thunder

 

I look for a vessel,

To bring me to shore,

That one ray of hope,

Bringing me back off the floor

 

Those sharks they are circling,

Getting ready to bite,

They will not get me,

Try as they might

 

I fight to the surface,

My strength is returning,

Depression wont beat me,

The fire is burning

 

Thinking I’m worthless,

Feeling like a failure,

That bright sky in the distance,

It’s my¬†saviour!

 

I am not a good swimmer,

But I am a fighter,

As I struggle with strokes,

The sky it gets brighter

 

One day at a time,

My day of destiny soon arrives,

A testament to my resolve.

I have reached the blue skies

 

Good days or bad days,

The sharks may come back,

The bad news for them,

I’m ready to attack!

 

Dark emotions or feelings,

having nowhere to hide,

I am coming after you now

I’m swimming WITH the tide