Trigger Warning…..It (almost) Killed Me…

This has been in my drafts file for a while, not indicative of how I feel or felt at the time.

No suicidal thoughts here before anyone starts to panic, but when the creative juices flow I just let it out.

This is one of many drafts that I will be posting in the coming days.

If anyone has any suicidal thoughts or any issues with suicide I would suggest not reading this

 

 

I left the house with many bad thoughts running through my brain,

My tears falling down my face like the heaviest of rain.

Alone and scared I made my way to the pre-selected place,

The time had come to stop wearing that fake smile upon my face.

 

The light was staring right at me,

I knew the time was right,

Once last look at the world I knew,

On this, my final night.

 

On to the track I hurled myself,

As the train came roaring past,

The pain would soon be over,

the next breath would be my last.

 

I missed the train and landed on the track the other side,

Cursing my luck I sat on the verge and openly I cried.

But there was another way, and other things to try.

I wandered to my next location with a grimace and a sigh.

 

The cars were racing down below me,

I wouldn’t feel a thing,

Released myself from the bridge over them,

and see what the landing would bring.

 

As my luck would have it,

I landed just behind a passing lorry,

It seems I couldn’t time it right,

Another reason to be sorry.

 

Drowning would be the best idea,

because I’m not a swimmer,

I threw myself in to the sea,

Hoping to be the fishes dinner.

 

Alas a passing fisherman saw me in me mid flight,

He dragged me from the water and pulled me up into the light,

He spoke to me with kindly words, tried his best to make me alright.

This was not my real destiny, I had to start to fight.

 

Back home I sat all alone,

The darkness my only friend.

Until I saw all the missed calls, and messages on my phone,

This was not the way for it to end.

 

The more I thought, the more I felt relieve,

that I held on a little longer,

It only goes to show,

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

 

 

 

 

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All I Want..

I’m not a great poet

or even a great writer

but when it comes to our love

I’m an unbeatable fighter

 

All I want is to heal your pain

help you discover your smile again

With my strength and desire

I’d walk through walls and into a fire.

 

Your hurting and suffering

I wish I could do more

Be the man you can turn to

to keep the wolves from the door.

 

With my arms wrapped tightly around you,

in my powerful embrace

Ready to wipe away any tears

That trickle slowly down your face.

 

I’ve cried all my tears,

faced up to my fears.

Now it’s all about helping you

and how my love can get you through.

 

Friendship and love that this never dies,

I know that from when I looked into your eyes.

Your scared, hurting and afraid

I want to rescue you and come to your aid.

 

Together we faced and beat a lot more

standing strong alongside each other.

Your my best friend, my soul mate

There will never be another!

 

Let me heal you, or at least let you see

The massive changes that have happened to me,

you had my back for so long, protected me

Now I am here to return the favour, happily!

 

Just one little chat, when the time is right,

I will be waiting all day and all night.

Just say the words and I will be here

even to listen to things I dont want to hear.

 

Let me see in your eyes, that the love has gone.

I dont believe it has or will, but I could be wrong.

take all the time you need, I’m going nowhere

name a time and place I will be there!

 

To hold your hands and cradle your face

The thought of this is my biggest wish

Have faith in my recovery let me show you,

Im back to the man you thought was a “dish”

 

Until that day here alone I pray,

that your pain and suffering soon goes away.

And that you remember how good things had been

And back you come to fulfill my dream

 

@Thedepressedmoose2013

Walls Closing In….

This is no way indicative to how I am feeling currently but it came to me and I had to get it down in print!

Apologies again for the true poets out there but its as good as I get!

 

The room is getting smaller,

The light merges into dark,

The air starts to become thin,

The walls are closing in.

 

Shortness of breath,

the pounding of my heart,

the sweat running down my head,

fighting this feeling of dread.

 

Struggling to speak,

my knees growing weak,

“Hi I’m Garry I have depression”,

“Recovery is my obsession!”

 

Standing under the familiar cloud,

The voice inside me screams aloud,

“you need more strength to set you free”,

“from all this pain and misery”

 

The silence is the loudest sound.

deafening me from all around,

The awkward feelings of fear and doubt,

are the only ones I think about.

 

The sound of laughter, fun and joy,

the noise I would make as a young boy.

It seems such a distant memory,

a reminder of who I used to be.

 

Slowly feeling suffocated,

alone, helpless and isolated,

and yet I know I’m not by myself,

in this journey of my mental health.

 

That one friend who writes me,

to ask how I am,

they don’t realise how important it is,

to know that someone gives a damn!

 

Taking each day nice and slow,

allowing time for my strength to grow,

making time to read and write,

keeps me busy throughout the night.

 

The hands around my throat squeeze tight,

trying to take my air with all their might,

I struggle to breathe and try to fight back,

Under pressure from this sustained attack.

 

And so the walls keep closing in,

it’s more than I can take,

and just at that vital moment,

My eyes open and I’m AWAKE!

 

 

 

My Month in Blogville – A Bad Poem to Celebrate

There is more to this “poem” than meets the eye. I think it is very clever but I may be slightly (VERY VERY VERY!) biased. Amazing the difference a nice power nap can make in your mood! Anyhoo I hope you like the subtle hints (links).

 

A month already it’s sure gone fast,

48 posts its been a blast!

4 pages, countless hours spent writing,

Expressing my thoughts sure has been exciting.

 

 

Sharing up days and down,

The tears of a clown,

Semi naked pics,

For the good of the chicks.

 

 

From zero to Hero,

With the words of Robert De Niro,

Improving my life,

With the help of my wife!

 

 

Each step shared side by side,

You have come along for the ride,

I had a shave ,of sorts, to impress,

The moose even spoke to the press.

 

 

Knowing people are reading,

Giving me the support I am needing,

I am proud I haven’t lied,

Even when wanting to hide.

 

 

I have made some new friends,

I hope this blog never ends!

It almost made me cry,

When an elephant gave me some pie.

 

 

Depression and me,

The occasional poetry,

Please remind all your friends to look,

At this moose’s virtual book!

 

 

Sometimes battling depression,

Is like chasing a wild goose!,

But together we are learning,

A lot more about the moose.

 

 

When I struggle for sleep

I count my viewers like sheep,

Having readers by the hoards,

As I am accepting awards.

 

 

But enough with the links

As this poem now stinks!

What more can you do?

Easy, Contribute towards my next tattoo!

 

 

This has been such a fun post to write I don’t care how bad the poem is look at all the links I have added to my other posts. Genius I tell you!!! Well maybe not but as I just told someone on Facebook it is “genius in its childishness”

Photo Credit: Google Images