Atos/DWP Update

So two weeks after my medical to determine how ill I really am I have finally received a letter from the DWP regarding the medical.

Read here for more about my dealing with Atos, despite all the negative publicity about them I can only speak based on my experience with them and my advice to anyone due to have a medical would be to ignore everything you read because it will only make you ill from stress! Go into the medical with an open mind and be 100% honest about how you feel and how your illness affects your daily life.  Don’t assume anything will count for or against you just reveal everything!

It is also vital that your GP is kept fully up to date of any conditions you have that you may not have mentioned to them. For example it was 4 months after my depression diagnosis that I finally revealed the extent of my IBS condition and this was vital to my medical.

The good news is that I passed my medical which means that I am officially recognised as being too ill to be forced to work. The relief of this is immense because the stress of appealing, living on 0 benefits etc was making me sick with anxiety.

The lady who did my medical was true to her word and for that I am grateful because until you get it in writing and confirmed your mind plays tricks on you! She actually told me on the day “You have passed your medical based on your conditions and I will recommend they give you the time to deal with your mental health problems”

It also provides me with vindication that I am ill and a long way from recovery and this does inspire me to one day rejoin the rat race once I am better.

Strange as it seems to have passed a medical to make you unfit for work it really does make a difference to know that others can see that you are not faking anything, that its not in your head.

For now it gives me some breathing space to work through my issues without the stress of being forced to look for work, and worrying about keeping a roof over my head.

They even told me I am entitled to a Christmas bonus payment of £10 woot woot.

So for all the negative posts out there about Atos I hope the fact that my experience was a positive one will at least cause some hope to others. Remember sometimes it is easier to write about the bad things and forget to praise the good and I found the whole Atos experience pleasantly surprising! That is not to say any future dealings will be the same but for now I have nothing bad to say about them.

Moose Tattoo – Post Sponsored By Madhouse Tattoo


Moose Tattoo


Here is my moose tattoo done at Madhouse Tattoo in Stanstead Abbots 01920 877582 – a five minute walk from St Margarets train station which can be reached from Tottenham Hale or Liverpool St.

Sitting on my neck, why there I hear you ask. Simple answer cos the Moose is a pain in the neck 😀

Really happy with this and for the guys at Madhouse I will be back in the future!

A Month of Stepping into the Light

Today is a month since my book of poems was published.

For those new to my blog the idea was for a collection of poems written by people with mental health illnesses with 50% of the proceeds being donated to Mind a charity based here in the UK.

I am disappointed to say the least that Mind have not helped me to promote the book, especially as more sales equals more money for them but my last contact with them was on 3rd September so I will assume they have forgotten about me and the book.

In terms of sales here is the breakdown for you – not including the free copies I gave to the people who contributed poems.

Smashwords – 8

Amazon – kindle version – 4

Amazon – Paperback – 22

So a grand total of 34 sales in 1 month which is not to bad really. Hopefully if Mind can get behind me it will increase the word of mouth and get people at the very least aware of the book. I guess I can cope with an average of 1 sale a day over a year that’s 365 books! (see I can look on the bright side)

The only blemish is that on smashwords 38 people were given copies of the book in return for a review to be written and thus far only 5 people have done that.  From what I can gather though it is pretty rare for a review to be done anyway so I wont hold it against people because I am nice like that!

The other good news is that my own book is outselling this one and the profits from that one are mine ALL MINE! (evil laugh)


6 Months Ago Today…

6 Months ago today…


I was sat in the office of my Dr crying my eyes out as I finally revealed the depth of my depression to someone for the first time.

I had finally overcome my stubbornness and stopped pretending everything was okay.

I can still remember the sense of relief when the Dr told me I had depression like it was yesterday, finally I knew there was actually something wrong with me and that it was not all in my head. I had lived in denial for so long I was convinced there was nothing really wrong me and I was simply going mad.

This is why I feel so strongly about helping other men in my situation, knowing how bad I felt inspires me to make sure that it does not get to the suicide attempt stage before asking for help.

Six months is not really a long time in the grand scale of things but for me it has felt like a lifetime and I am very proud of how far I have come in that time. More good days than bad, although the bad are very bad, but I am learning more each day about how to combat the symptoms and triggers of the bad days to ensure that as bad as they get they will never again tempt me onto the window again.

Yet there is still a long way to go starting with my visit to the mental health hospital on Thursday for my “initial screening” as it is possible I have bipolar disorder according to my Dr following on from our last appointment.

If I can continue on the current path I am on I have faith all will work itself out in the end, one way or another but without the appointment with my Dr on 28th March one thing is for sure and that is that I would not be here to help others.

If I can seek help then what is stopping you?


D.I.S.C.O Moose

If I spent less time playing songpop and more writing maybe I would be over the writers block still troubling me however this song came up today and made me laugh!

My own lyrics are added beneath the video – I bet you will be singing along to this and hating me after for putting this in your head 😀



Here is my own version for the Moose


he is disco


He is D -depressed

He is I – irrational

He is S – slightly mental

He is C – somewhat crazy

He is O – out of his mind oh ohhhhhhhhhh



He is disco


He has D – diarrhea

He has I – IBS

He has S – stress and anxiety

He has C – change of underwear

He is O – oh ohhhh feck not again



He is disco


He is D- Determined

He is I – Inspirational

He is S – Supportive

He is C – Creative

He is O – Outstanding  oh ohhhhhhhhh


Now imagine me sitting here giggling away to myself at my own genius!

Selfish Moose and Terrible Parent Apparently

This was a message I received on Facebook last night from a “friend” of over 3 years right before she deleted me!

“I wish all the best I really do but I can’t sit and watch you talking about getting a tattoo when every few days you’re complaining there’s no food in the house or even your blog how the kids get one gift for Christmas and yet you want to and have booked and $800 tattoo?”

and it continues

“I’m sure you’re helping a great number of people with your blog and kuddos to you for that but if you can put personal pleasure in front of your kids and their holidays I can’t read it any more “

yet more

“Any tattoo before food and gifts are bought for the kids is selfish – cheeky or not . If you have spare money buy food and start your Christmas shopping “


here is the best part though – she claims to read this blog yet makes no mention of the fact that I won money playing bingo, the figure of $800 came about talking about my “dream” tattoo that I stated I could not afford because of the cost, that is not anywhere near the price of the tattoo I am getting on Saturday.

This “friend”, or ex friend now,  is someone who has suffered from depression so should be fully aware of the impact receiving this message would have on me so I would like to thank her for making me feel like the worst parent in the world for having the cheek to treat myself.

Why do people think they have the right to make judgement on others? Mr Perfect I am not BUT I would never ever let my kids go without just so I could get something for myself. The fact is Sheryl is getting this as an early birthday present so that we can focus on saving for Christmas but should I have to justify myself and how I spend my money to people?

Fine send me money through the donate button on the right and maybe THEN you can question what I spent it on but to unfriend me because you did not read what was written properly and then have the audacity to judge me is going to far!

Sorry Kim but you can kiss my moose behind! Blocked and forgotten!

Hopefully this rant will help improve my mood because another night has been and gone with me sitting all the way through it and not sleeping and arseholes like the one mentioned above do not help!

Overexcited Moose

Screw the depression, the IBS, the Anxiety and everything else for the next 5 minutes because I have booked my moose tattoo and am now bouncing off the walls!

Gotta love the pain from tattoos makes me feel alive! Is it a form of self harm? hell no its just a nice feeling

thanks to Jim at for booking me in counting the hours till saturday now lol






Shout, Shout, Let it All Out

Sometimes a good shout is a great release. Just rediscovered this song today on songpop! I love that game it brings up some great songs that I had forgotten!

So who wants to join me?





weeeeeeee that felt better 😀



and because I’m good to you the lyrics are below so you can sing along with me..

Tears For Fears – Shout


Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without
Come on, I’m talking to you, come on
Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without

In violent times, you shouldn’t have to sell your soul
In black and white, they really really ought to know
Those one track minds that took you for a working boy
Kiss them goodbye, you shouldn’t have to jump for joy
You shouldn’t have to
Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without
Come on, I’m talking to you, come on

They gave you life, and in return you gave them hell
As cold as ice, I hope we live to tell the tale
I hope we live to tell the tale

let it all out, these are the things I can do without
Come on, I’m talking to you, come on
Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without
Come on, I’m talking to you, come on

Shout, shout, let it all out
These are the things I can do without
Come on, I’m talking to you, come on

And when you’ve taken down your guard
If I could change your mind, I’d really love to break your heart
I’d really love to break your heart

Shout, shout, let it all out
(Break your heart) these are the things I can do without
(I’d really love to break your heart) come on
I’m talking to you, come on
Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without
Come on, I’m talking to you so come on

(Guitar solo)

Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without
Come on, I’m talking to you, come on
(They really really ought to know) Shout, shout, let it all out
(Really really ought to know) These are the things I can do without
(They really really) Come on, I’m talking to you, come on
(They really really ought to know) Shout, shout, let it all out
(I’d really love to break your heart)
These are the things I can do without
(I’d really love to break your heart)
Come on, I’m talking to you so come on
Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without
Come on, I’m talking to you, come on…(fade)

Twitter Tips needed

I am not convinced I am using twitter to maximize the possible exposure to this blog so would like some tips from other folks please.

I see some people spend all day tweeting all their followers with links asking for retweets is that the way to do it? or is it better to just tweet once and hope people pick up on it?

Reason I ask is that I get annoyed when people tweet me their link when they have never even had a conversation with me and I would feel like a hypocrite if I started doing the same thing. Even though I do that to “celebrities” for a possible retweet but hey thats what they are on twitter for right?

And don’t even get me started on people who send me a DM with their blog links as soon as I follow them. Again am I missing a trick here and should start doing the same thing?

How do you use twitter to your advantage? I would love to know because I am very bored and need to do something today 😀