One year on

Today marks a year since my world fell apart and I was hurt like never before. I could have broke down, I could have spiralled into a depression, I could have gone off the rails and I could have wasted 12 months feeling hurt, bitter, angry and sorry for myself…

Except I haven’t done any of those things…

I’ve just had the most productive 12 months of my life in terms of personal growth, development and re-educating myself on the great person I am.

I’ve rediscovered old friendships, rebuilt broken ones, made new ones and basically had a fucking ball as often as I wanted to.

Im living life my way, not being told how to do it, free from shackles, chains, gaslighting, abuse, lies and pretty much drama free and frankly the shit I went through needs to be thanked for making me the way I am today.

Do I get the odd bad days/weeks? Of course I do but the difference now is that I’m allowed to have them and ride them out in my own way.

I’m still doing this 6 week challenge and I’ve lost 14 lbs. Not as much as I’d like BUT, im happy with it as the 6 weeks comes to a close. I had to miss 3 sessions because of the black dog and took my eyes of the prize for a week or so. That’s my responsibilty…That’s on me.

This challenge has been amazing for me. It has given me a new direction, a new outlet, a new group of friends and today im loving life. I’ve even signed up to continue after the 6 weeks is over. Exercise classes 3 times a week minimum, healthier eating choices and a group of men who just encourage each other to keep going.

I will write more on the wonders of 30+ mens fitness in a seperate post over the weekend but suffice to say its been a great impulse decision…

And it’s rare my impulse decisions work out for the best…

I can look back on the last 12 months with a victorious smile

  • Holiday to Majorca
  • Reopening this blog
  • Working every shift with not one day sickness, no matter how black the clouds were
  • Losing a stone in weight…so far (More to come watch this space)
  • Finding Garry again
  • Learning to love myself again
  • Being a part of a great group of people
  • Remembering my blessings in life, friends, family etc

You tried to break me, you made me stronger, you made me become a better me again.

So for this reason I thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart because there’s one thing that will result from this last year and that is I will never again find myself feeling unloved, unwanted, unhappy again.


And just like that….gone forever. No more bad memories, no more hating myself.

The 12 months is now all about the amazing memories I’ve made on my own terms and the future is looking fantastic.

And this time last year i couldn’t have dreamed being able to write something so positive now.

Don’t give up on yourself….

Happy Moose Happy Garry

Recovery from a break up is hard going and emotionally draining. It requires a painful mixture of self reflection, acceptance, acknowledgement and letting go of love and dreams. There is no time line when it comes to healing and certainly no handbook on dealing with the issues and potential baggage that can follow you around afterwards.

If you have a scab and keep picking at it the wound remains open and takes longer to heal each time. I guess I’ve been a scab picker for months almost letting it heal then reopening the wound. Its almost sado masochistic in the sense that I was encouraging myself to feel pain.

Eventually I found myself enjoying the pain less and less finding the whole scab picking tedious and detrimental to my life and as im a cold hearted bastard I knew I’d reach a point of shutting down and switching off my feelings.

Im often told im a negative person “glass half empty” kind of person and by nature have a miserable looking face, I dispute that last one to be honest its not a miserable face its the weight of my chins pulling my smile down into a frown….but thats a different story

I made a conscious effort to be positive and happy. To stop putting myself in a position of vulnerability and hurt and take back whats mine. My self respect, my dignity and my life.

I feel like a new me, a happier me again. Like the Garry of old before I was worn down and stopped looking after myself.

I am a good person, I have a great sense of humour a warm personality and many other good qualities. Sure I fuck up at all times but show me a human who doesn’t get it wrong and I’ll show you a liar.

I’m ready to start living in the now and not the past, make plans with friends meet someone new eventually and never look back again. No baggage, no hang ups and no letting my limitations and expectations being dropped.

Im happy again and no matter what gets thrown my way I’m gonna keep smiling.

I want to live again and try new things. Its 20 years this year since I went abroad for a holiday! Now is a good opportunity as its also my 40th birthday this year. Could i really just book myself a trip somewhere and spend my 40th on my own in a foreign place? Or who knows by then (November 29th get the date in your diary for cards and presents) I could have met someone and be starting my 40s with someone special. You just dont know whats around the corner do you but I’m ready to experience a happier life again.

My Facebook page, which can be found here┬áis becoming more popular and I’m enjoying the contributions from people and reacquainting myself with some old friends.

I’m also attending an acting class on Fridays now as a new outlet which so far is great, despite working too much lately there are lots of potentially new exciting opportunities on the horizon. Working on a new book, possibly writing plays, even acting who knows. I’m meeting new people, spending time with friends and generally being me again. If I can make you laugh when you’re at my counter at work, or in my company then I’m happy.

After all I’m a funny guy! Gratuitous Goodfellas scene opportunity! contains strong language but a classic…

Outlet, Outlet, Outlet. Cannot emphasis enough how important is it to have one. Obviously what works for me might not be what works for you but unless you try something different you just do not know what will be your thing. Trial and error is key. Getting something wrong is not failing, its trying to improve yourself and that’s never a bad thing.


To Poke Or Not To Poke – The Dying Art of Conversation

Is it now considered a form of contact to poke someone via Facebook now?

I ask this because most people don’t bother talking to me anymore just poke me instead.

Now we all know I am a miserable bugger BUT what would you rather have? Someone poke you or someone send you a short message asking how you are?

For me I would much rather have a message!

People I have not had a conversation with for weeks happily poke away well from now on I will not be returning pokes.

I had 21 notifications at one point today from people who had poked me




Come on people I know we all have busy lives but surely it would not be impossible to write a few lines in a message rather than a poke. A poke is so impersonal to me – I would rather spend my time talking to someone. Fine if I have to wait 24 hours to get a response from a message but then at least we are not losing the ability of communication.


Imagine the future when we find ourselves in a nightclub and want to approach a member of the opposite sex. Are we just going to go up to them and poke them?

Is the art of conversation a dying one these days?

Bad enough the text typing that goes on to shorten words – something that I h8!

Look at these messages sent between my 12 year old son and one of his friends

try and decipher this!


Makes a lot of sense doesn’t it!

Maybe kids are just lazy today due to the technology available to them or maybe it is down to the pre teenager years when I can expect communication via a series of grunts and mood swings.

Maybe I am just too miserable as I get older, but that being said I am still only early 30s!

Or are we all just too busy that we cant be bothered to speak to people properly?

I have a few people who message me or email me and believe me it makes my day feel a lot brighter than another poking notification.

Same applies with texting people as well, pick the damn phone up and speak to me rather than expect me to constantly reply to messages. It would be a lot quicker than correcting the damn predictive text on my phone anyway.

Speaking of predictive text…

If you type my name into your phone it comes up with H-A-P-P-Y instead of G-A-R-R-Y

Oh the irony!

Empty – perfect!


The photo above shows my new “improved” pokes page, all deleted.

Sorry to those pokers in question but you can’t judge me for wanting a conversation with you instead of a poke.

It’s because I like you that you’re on my friends list in the first place, I didn’t add you for your poking prowess .

And with that I will attempt to get some sleep before my big day tomorrow (well actually as its almost 1a, it is today)