I am experiencing a renewed zest for life, a passion for being around people and wanting to go out and do things again, Be around people who want to enjoy my company and want to be with Garry, not the man who has/had depression but the man who wants to laugh and joke, be the centre of attention again.
Only problem is there is no one around, besides the amazing Maria who checks up on me and comes to see me, Sarah who rings me to make sure I am okay, Mell who popped over to see me last weekend and Paul who invited me out for a drink, and not forgetting my mum who is keeping me busy in her garden.
I don’t want to keep being a pen pal I want to get out in the open, drinking, socialising and meeting people.
The depression is not my problem anymore, it’s being lonely that is…
So lets finally get something out in open….
Last Saturday I attempted an overdose. A combination of factors contributed to this BUT it was nothing to do with my depression, the truth is that I was supposed to be meeting a group of friends from my old Mafia Wars group on Facebook on the Saturday but when I woke up my benefits hadn’t been paid which meant I couldn’t go. The heat over the past few weeks, especially in my greenhouse of a flat, made me over tired due to lack of sleep and this disappointment of letting people down, and not being able to see them, made me do something silly. Instant remorse and hands down throat to make myself sick followed before I was taken to hospital by ambulance and given the all clear. Mentally I am 1005 fine please be reassured that this is something that will never happen again and was more down to feeling lonely and disappointed than anything else!
I love being around people, not sitting around typing onto twitter and Facebook but to be able to talk to someone, seems to be a lost art these days with social media and 140 character limits on twitter. I have lots of “virtual” friends, people who showed massive concern last Saturday in particular and I love the support I receive BUT it’s meeting face to face, hearing someones voice, the phone ringing and it not being a debt collector on the other end of the call that matters to me.
Especially YOU! No names mentioned…
I do head out to the local pub but standing there on your own is not great, even if you’re someone like me who will talk to anyone. Truth be told I always come home feeling worse for going out by myself.
Depression is no longer my biggest battle, it is conquering the loneliness that is all consuming…
And thus the depressed moose should be renamed the the lonely moose!
One of the downsides of having a child early in your life is that your friends are quick to walk away from you, but I would change nothing! I love my kids to bits Brandon is a good son and we are good friends too, our relationship goes from strength to strength but I can’t take him out for a drink for many years yet!
All I crave is someone to go out of their way for me, pop round and talk, take me out for a bit of fun instead of waiting for a message to come through on the pc!
If she happens to be a rich old girl, with no one to leave her fortune to so be it 😀