The People Person With No people

I am experiencing  a renewed zest for life, a passion for being around people and wanting to go out and do things again, Be around people who want to enjoy my company and want to be with Garry, not the man who has/had depression but the man who wants to laugh and joke, be the centre of attention again.

Only problem is there is no one around, besides the amazing Maria who checks up on me and comes to see me, Sarah who rings me to make sure I am okay, Mell who popped over to see me last weekend and Paul who invited me out for a drink, and not forgetting my mum who is keeping me busy in her garden.

I don’t want to keep being a pen pal I want to get out in the open, drinking, socialising and meeting people.

The depression is not my problem anymore, it’s being lonely that is…

 

lonely

 

So lets finally get something out in open….

Last Saturday I attempted an overdose. A combination of factors contributed to this BUT it was nothing to do with my depression, the truth is that I was supposed to be meeting a group of friends from my old Mafia Wars group on Facebook on the Saturday but when I woke up my benefits hadn’t been paid which meant I couldn’t go. The heat over the past few weeks, especially in my greenhouse of a flat, made me over tired due to lack of sleep and this disappointment of letting people down, and not being able to see them, made me do something silly. Instant remorse and hands down throat to make myself sick followed before I was taken to hospital by ambulance and given the all clear. Mentally I am 1005 fine please be reassured that this is something that will never happen again and was more down to feeling lonely and disappointed than anything else!

lonely2

 

I love being around people, not sitting around typing onto twitter and Facebook but to be able to talk to someone, seems to be a lost art these days with social media and 140 character limits on twitter. I have lots of “virtual” friends, people who showed massive concern last Saturday in particular and I love the support I receive BUT it’s meeting face to face, hearing someones voice, the phone ringing and it not being a debt collector on the other end of the call that matters to me.

Especially YOU! No names mentioned…

I do head out to the local pub but standing there on your own is not great, even if you’re someone like me who will talk to anyone. Truth be told I always come home feeling worse for going out by myself.

Depression is no longer my biggest battle, it is conquering the loneliness that is all consuming…

lonely4

 

And thus the depressed moose should be renamed the the lonely moose!

One of the downsides of having a child early in your life is that your friends are quick to walk away from you, but I would change nothing! I love my kids to bits Brandon is a good son and we are good friends too, our relationship goes from strength to strength but I can’t take him out for a drink for many years yet!

All I crave is someone to go out of their way for me, pop round and talk, take me out for a bit of fun instead of waiting for a message to come through on the pc!

If she happens to be a rich old girl, with no one to leave her fortune to so be it 😀

lonely1

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Don’t Talk…Just Listen

Have you wanted to reach out to someone with depression but didn’t know what to say or how to act?

Try saying nothing beyond the opening contact.

Giving someone the opportunity to vent is a great gift. Saying “how are you?” and genuinely meaning that you’re ready to hear more than the standard “I’m OK” is what sets you apart from other people.

If someone contacts me to ask how am I it normally gets the standard “fine” response depending on my feelings that day. Do you just accept that and think “well I made some effort”? and move on from there?

It is a natural human reaction after all, but how many times have you followed that up by letting the person know if they want to talk then you are there for them?

It is a difficult position to be in because you feel like you may need to give advice to something that makes you feel uncomfortable, or simply because you are worried about saying the wrong thing.

This is where it is good to just allow the person to get things of their chest. I often don’t want to open up to you to get advice or sympathy but simply to unload things. Getting it off my chest makes me feel better in a matter of minutes because it means I am not keeping it inside waiting for the bomb to go off.

Offering an outlet for your friend, or family member, gives them the chance to feel better. Something this simple is often overlooked, often because people feel they are likely to open Pandora’s box of problems but it is very rarely that this is the case.

Another issue with people who have depression is the impression that they are all about depression! I have depression but I am still Garry, I can still talk about other things besides depression and how I am feeling. There seems to be the feeling that once we are suffering from depression it is all we want to talk about, believe me that is far from the case but without the interaction from other people it doesn’t give us much opportunity to discuss other things.

One thing I am proud of since starting this blog is the number of people who feel like they can open up to me about their problems knowing that I will not judge them or belittle them. More often than not I offer zero in terms of productive advice I simply allow them to have a space to vent.

Sometimes saying nothing is the most helpful thing you can do.

It’s not the fact that you can instantly make my depression better with your words of wisdom that matters, it is the fact you care enough about me to really be interested in how I am.

Remember people say I have depression, not I am depressed. There is a big difference between the two statements. Be there, offer words of comfort and understanding if required. Usually we know what needs to be done but need to work this out for ourselves at times. What matters is knowing you have our backs when the times comes for us to need you.

Image credit: Google images

Image credit: Google images