It seems strange that I’m back here after 2 long years, 2 years that have seen a lot of changes in the world and in the my life. I met someone who I thought would be the one, the happiness was magnificent for the longest time and I moved from London to the North East to start a new life in July last year.
As always in my life things haven’t gone to plan and now here I am starting over again with a broken heart, no friends in 300 miles and in the worst state mentally than I have been in years. In the space of a few weeks I lost my partner, which meant I had to move out of her house so I lost a home and then lost my job too. Thankfully I managed to find somewhere to live but it’s not mine, not a home and frankly I feel like I have nowhere that I can call a safe place.
Originally I was renting the house by myself but unfortunately the landlady has had to move back into the place so while I had made the place start to feel like home its now a room in a house. I am, however, thankful that she is allowing me to stay but for how long I do not know. The lack of security is really affecting my mental health and I’ve been in a terrible way.
Relationships end thats a part of life but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. On top of the grieving for the end of that and the feeling of being so alone it has been the worst period of my life since the overdose episode almost 9 years ago.
I have started a new job this past few days so hopefully things will start looking up but it feels like one step forward and 7 back. I miss my friends and family but I love it up here and want to make a life for myself. It’s just hard with no money, friends or family but I guess it could be worse couldn’t it? And so I’m starting over AGAIN and hopefully in a few months might be in a position to rent somewhere having saved a deposit up.. surely there’s light somewhere at the end of this tunnel?