And so tomorrow I officially go back to work. I say officially as I popped in today to put out some fires before the real fun begins in the morning.
The people I work with are great, they really do look after me, have listened to my shit without judgement and offer me advice and support. They have been awesome over the 2 years I have been there and kept me going. I’m lucky to have them as colleagues and friends and, as they have just discovered, they are lucky to have me as the manager. Despite the bad jokes, demands for tea and piss taking I’m pretty sure they would say they enjoy working alongside me.
It’s only been one day since I returned and despite feeling knackered I can sense a different attitude and perspective from within. The few friends who know me best will no doubt be worrying about an inevitable crash when i got home but so far so good. I’m still buzzing from my holiday and, strangely, excited about going back to work. It means I get to tell loads of people about my amazing holiday, so apologies in advance for anyone queuing lol.
I turn 40 at the end of November so now I’m looking for ways to celebrate it. Another week away perhaps depending on prices and being able to save up enough.
Maybe the Moose Escorting agency will get some bookings. That’s right folks spend an evening or night with the Moose, extras can be negotiated, free rash with every purchase….
I have been overwhelmed by the comments and feedback over the last week. It’s been an absolute pleasure share my holiday with you and reminding myself that I have a decent followers of people who for some reason find me interesting, “inspirational”, and worthy of time taken to read my stuff. Thank you all so much.
I’m off to discover the joys of online dating sites where my personality doesnt show in photos but my chins do….
Back to reality indeed, but a new improved, brighter reality.
It sure is!!
Warning: contains strong language
Wanted to express myself with a vlog for a change. Hope you enjoy. A new determined focused Moose.
Today is the last day of my holiday of a lifetime. It has been the best experience of my life.
I’m ready to go home now and get back to reality and improving myself when I return. I feel reinvigorated rejuvenated and refreshed and have really made the most of my time away.
It’s been amazing not having to worry about the other shit thats gone on and can actually feel like im in control of my destiny.
Changes will be made in terms of my attitude towards people and events and im no longer going to put myself in situations that do not ultimately benefit or enhance my life. People who hurt me will no longer get a second chance. I’m not so desperate for love that I will accept anything.
I’m going to look into courses to improve myself. Definately going to look into learning Spanish as i will be returning to Cape Millor again. The place is stunning.
I’m ready for the next chapter of my life. The last chapter has been ripped out and consigned to the past forever. No more looking back. My head is great my strength is back and im now focused on me again.
I’ve set records for steps taken, I’ve been out exploring daily not just sat around the pool and I’ve loved every single second of it.
I have also proved to myself that I can cope on my own and that’s huge to finally acknowledge that. Now i can choose to be with someone because i want to not cos i feel i have to be with someone.
Enhance my life and improve it or its “adios”
This time tomorrow i will be sitting in the airport waiting for my flight but moose will forever more hold Cala Millor in his heart
Truth is I was worried about going abroad on my own. As much as I like my company I much prefer being around others and if you hadnt noticed this about me- being the centre of attention.
This holiday is life changing for me. I can genuinely say there has not been a time in my life when I have felt so relaxed and chilled out.
No one to tell me where to go, what to do or lie to me lol its heaven and I’m certainly going to travel more often on the back of this!
Do I wish I had a special someone here to enjoy this with? Of course but I’m making the most of my life being what it is right now and making memories for me. Who knows whats around the corner. I’m ready to meet someone again and when the times right she will make herself known, until then its my time for making Garry better, and making me a priority.
I’m loving my life right now, loving Majorca and happy!!
Depression and negativity was left at the airport and I won’t be picking that particular baggage up on my return. Instead im gonna work hard and save for my next holiday..
If you’re on facebook head over to my page where im posting live videos and photos. Not even sorry for the amount…
click here to like the page, share it comment and enjoy!
Here are some photos for you. Excuse the fat bloke in the pictures, thats me 😭
And yes, any single ladies out there will be pleased to know im available….
El Alce is Spanish for the moose…
I’ve arrived and it was emotional. It was like a wave came over me. Relief pride excitement. You see this holiday has now become the last event in my life. Not a break up, not a breakdown but a holiday.
I felt alive!! I feel like the weights been lifted. The perfect end to a less than perfect 12 months. I’ve worked hard and deserve this treat.
And im happy, genuinely happy.
I packed everything but my stresses back home and here im Garry, single and ready to mingle. Camera check jack daniels check happy smiling Garry check!!
One more sleep. Well technically 2 but there’s no way I will be getting any sleep tomorrow night, especially having to be at the airport at the crack of a sparrows dart! But its almost here.
20 years, broken heart, broken mind and broken spirit since my last trip out of good ole England and im determined to make it a life changing experience.
I want to come back refreshed reinvigorated and maybe reinvented or at the very least moose version 2. My head is clearer than its been for weeks, and whilst other issues still linger in leaving them behind and taking charge of what baggage i take with me.
Moose is ready!
Bags are (almost) packed last minute clothes shopping done and in 36 hours or so i will set foot in Majorca ready for a week of sun sea sex (I can dream lol) and sorting myself out good and proper.
Obviously I wish it was different and I wasn’t going alone but it is what it is. I’m going to enjoy the experience no matter what and maybe one day will have someone worthy of a holiday with me. Certainly im no longer feeling like im not good enough because when the right person comes along at the right time it will all fall into place.
Expect plenty of updates over the next week or so. Moose is coming along for the trip and will share as much as possible with you.
For a week at least good bye depression, broken heart, low self esteem and negativity
Now if only I could find my passport….
Seems my new look, as it were, has had quite the impact. I’ve had lots of people notice the difference and more compliments in past few days than in the past few years!.
It’s been very good for the ego let me tell you! Sure im still a fat bastard but nowhere near as bad as I thought. And im certainly feeling a lot better in myself being told how much younger i look without the facial hair and stuff.
I have heard the following quote many times and always kind of dismissed it as rubbish but its very true.
I am so damn hard on myself that I forget the good things about me. Too busy listening to the opinion of others who dont know the real me and more worried about their feelings than recognising the fact that actually im fucking awesome. Judge me on how i am with you and how i treat you not anything else. I’m loyal great fun to be around and ultimately having me in your life as a friend means you’re bloody lucky…. did I mention im humble and modest too?
I’m listening to music a lot lately and one favourite song keeps coming into my head from nowhere…
I do need you now, I do think about you a lot and have great memories of you. So im going back, knowing the risks and the potential consequences. So I’m restarting a relationship again with my eyes wide open and im looking forward to it…..
I’ve missed you Jack. Cheers!!! Down the pub I go.
And as for attracting what I am…
I want greatness I want love and so help me God I will get it.
As the song goes…
It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
And I’m feeling good
I’m feeling good
Thanks to the memories/on this day function on Facebook I was reminded that on this day 5 years ago I took an overdose. Obviously it wasn’t successful but it has reminded me how far I have actually come despite the recent set back.
It doesnt matter how bad I’m feeling that option has never occurred to me again and that is progress.
Yes I have been through the worst period of my life these last 12 months but I get up every day and go to work. Haven’t taken any time off sick I’m getting on with shit and trying to move on with life.
If I stop and look properly at things then I can see how much better off I am in terms of my mental health and I’m absolutely guilty of being too hard on myself and taking blame for things not my responsibilty.
So today I’m thankful that 5 years ago I failed and I’m going to focus back on positives. I’m not going backwards no matter how much the black dog barks.
So here is a better photo. Contacts, haircut and clean shaven….maybe even a smile….
Get ready Majorca Moose on tour is coming your way!!!
Here is a photo of me today. I dont even recognise the person in the photo.
I’ve got myself some contact lenses again as I hate my glasses and lenses give me more confidence about my appearance but i look fucked, drained, tired.
Form an orderly queue single ladies
From today I’m going to (try) treat myself better, be kinder to myself and focus on the good qualities I have, and there are more good than bad!
I’ve had the best nights sleep I’ve had in weeks and this time next week I will be on the plane to Majorca.
I met up with an old friend last night and thats really perked me up too. I am a people person and love the company of others. I feed off people so I need to make more effort in that sense.
I want to write more again, express myself without worrying about who reads it. Time to be selfish again for my own sake.
6 years later and here I sit in the waiting room at the Drs ready to ask for some help again. This time I have not met this particular GP so have no bond or relationship with him or her.
It’s all getting too much, the insomnia, the self doubt, the feelings of hurting, emotions getting best of me. So here I go again albeit in a much better position than all those years again. The last 12 months really have taken their toll on my mental health and maybe I’m guilty of trying too hard, too long and bottling up my feelings about what I’ve been through.
I have my holiday next week to look forward to, so this visit to Drs and probably prescription of antidepressants will come in the nick of time. I need to get away from reality for a bit and thats why I’m jumping on a plane and (hopefully) leaving all this shit behind me.
I’m sick of feeling unloveable, second best and unwanted. I am worthy of more and I am determined that this will be a temporary solution just to allow me to get my head in a better place.
I can’t and won’t allow anyone to send me back to my darkest days but right now I’m just to exhausted to do it by myself.
As I have said countless times…. asking for help in a sign of strength not weakness.