He is…..I wish

He is a great guy

He is always there to listen to me

He is always available when I have a problem

He is special

He is funny

He is kind hearted, warm and sincere

He is a good friend

He is helpful, considerate and offers advice

 

and as the curtain closes and the funeral service comes to an end…..

 

I wish I had done more for him

I wish I had reached out to him

I wish I could have been there for him when he needed me

I wish I hadn’t ignored him

I wish I had spoken to him more often

I wish I hadn’t dismissed him as “needy” 

I wish I had listened to him

I wish I made time to see him

I wish he was still here

 

Don’t be that person who only realises when it’s too late!

no one in this day and age of technology can really say that they don’t have 2 minutes to send a quick text message, a quick email or private message via social media. Dare I even mention picking up the phone and calling someone…

That one single gesture can make so much difference to someone, especially someone who is always the first to reach out to others.

Be a friend to someone when they need you, not just when you need them.

Loneliness can set someone back months very very quickly, don’t assume that someone is fine because they say that is the case, I’m not just talking about people with mental health illnesses, consider the elderly relative as well.

You will be surprised at what happens when you make a little bit of effort with someone, especially if one day you find yourself in their shoes..

 

 

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Emotionless Moose

Yesterday I attended the funeral of my Great Aunt Eileen who passed away aged 90 on 25th March. The cremation took place in Coventry which meant a 2 hour drive from London. Leaving at 10 am was difficult for me with my concerns over my IBS but thankfully the medication had kicked in and I had no issues for the whole day.

Anytime I have to leave the flat in the morning involves me getting up at least 3 hours beforehand to make sure I am “empty” and have taken Loperamide and wait for it to work so I don’t have the added stress of finding a toilet. Even more important when driving for 2 hours! but thankfully it worked nicely yesterday – I even managed to eat a cheese sandwich on the way which is the equivalent of waving a red flag to a bull most days!

At the service as the coffin was brought in I felt nothing, not a single thing. Even when Abide With Me was played all I was interested in was singing the words rather than thinking about past loved ones who have died and had that hymn played.  No tears, no lump in throat, no feelings of sadness especially watching my beloved Nan suffering. Just as importantly when I woke up this morning no repercussions from the day suddenly catching up with me.

Ladies and gentlemen I believe this is called  – making progress

For me not to cry my eyes out and then reflect on Eric, Ron and Teresa is a huge step in my recovery.

For me not to spiral downwards following a funeral is a huge step as well!

I was more focused on the well being of  my Nan than I was about anything else and it may well be that this is the reason that I was so calm but for the past few years I have cried whenever I have heard Abide With Me and this time I did not, for me to want to sing it was even better!

Long may this frame of mind continue!