Moose Kicking Ass

Has anyone seen my depression? It seems to have taken a bit of an ass kicking the past week and has (temporarily) done a runner!

My PHQ9 score has gone under 10 for the first time ever since I started doing the form to monitor my depression.

It has been as high as high twenties and today when I did the questionnaire I was at 9!!

This week started out on Sunday with my day out to meet friends in London and I have even been out visiting relatives yesterday and today, and despite a few near misses with the IBS it has been a bloody good week!

There is something to be said for actually forcing yourself out and about and looking at a different environment instead of the same four walls everyday.

I am recommending it to you all as of now! get out of the house and have a day out!

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Some Good News at Last

Finally after two weeks the black cloud has moved on and my spirits are lifted!

I even had a brainwave for a new book idea that I need to get started on in time for the Christmoose market.

It is a great relief to feel better though and have something positive to say for a change seriously at times I even piss myself off with the negativity and judging by stats on the blog my readers too 😀

So where now?

Hopefully I can throw myself into the awesome book idea and get crackalacking with it, starting is always the hard part but I have lots of ideas about it that mean it is going to be the 3rd best book ever written by a depressed moose – behind the other which by now all of you have bought – right?

Some lovely people have really surprised me over the last 2 weeks with their generosity, kindness and support whereas others shocked me by staying away but that is human nature I suppose and luckily I only hold grudges for a few weeks 😀

One thing I would like to ask you is if you have any suggestions for posts you would like me to do, as long as its something I have experience off I will write about it so please drop me a line via the contact page and I will get my backside into gear!

Happy Thursday folks

On the Happy Trail

Today is the first day in 10 that I have felt slightly optimistic, that the black cloud has moved on just enough to give me some breathing space to try and reflect on where I am at currently and where I need to be.

I HATE feeling low and unable to help other people but it was nice that a few people reached out to me and helped me, always great when help is returned and I am thankful to those of you who dropped me a line.

Unfortunately for me I am obsessed with numbers and stats so I always feel bad when the blog numbers drop, even more so when comments stop being made because it causes you to doubt yourself and as we all know self doubt is a major issue for me, I wont even mention the book sales or I will be crying (sniff sniff woe me woe me) but been a while since any copies have been sold.

Training for the 10k run is still waiting to take off due the down period I have been in but since I still have 7 months I am not worried about that too much, remember to donate though 😀

I need a night out though, more than anything I wish for my birthday that I could take Sheryl out for a nice romantic meal followed by a night dancing, drinking and being along together my oh my I would give anything for it. We have a restaurant in Gants Hill we go to on the rare occasions we go out called Don Pietros and the food there is wonderful! If you are in the essex area near Gants Hill I highly recommend it especially the Veal!

And as a massive Godfather fan you gotta love the quote “try the veal!”

Anyhoo back to the real point in hand.

Today I feel better and I hope it lasts a while, I am sick and tired of being tired. Although not as much as Sheryl is perhaps. She truly is a blessing to me poor woman puts up with a lot from me and she is still here for me looking beautiful.

Tomorrow I am hoping that I can actually get back to annoying celebrities on twitter and promoting my books, shop and just giving page lord knows I need to become a better promoter and a writer again. I miss the creativity and release that writing gave me back in the heady days of August and September when I was writing full time!

So for now welcome back Moose lets get back on track together and if you need support – come and find me!

 

A Quick Apology

Firstly thank you for all the well wishes yesterday and today!

After suffering from “the night of a 1000 shivers” I felt much better today unbelievably  14 hours since I woke up and my duvet is currently in the tumble dryer as it is still wet! thats how bad it was last night eek!

Thankfully I was well enough to attend the workshop today. It was important for me to attend the last one of the 3 as it is not often I get to meet people let alone go out for a length of time and I was pleased I was well enough to attend

And so the apology

I am a long way behind on reading other blogs and replying to comments so please bare with me while I play catch up with you and do not be offended if I have yet to reply to a comment. I am feeling better physically and mentally today and will get cracking tonight on reading blogs etc.

Thank you all for your continued support it humbles me on a daily basis!

Sunshine

Sunshine

Sunshine through the window
Clock says 7am
Only had 3 hours sleep
Wake up weary, feeling weak.

Headache, pain, the usual worry
Take my medication in a hurry
Wondering what the day will bring
But I’m alive and that’s a WIN

New found sense of motivation
Re-energised, revitalisation
Ideas far beyond my usual station
Time I fought back against frustration

The rays of the sun shining on my face
A message from the lord above
Reminding me that I’m alive
A guiding light, filled with love

So many plans
Lots to be done
No longer do I see them as chores
Now it’s about having fun

Sitting down turn on the PC
Amazed at the screen in front of me
Have I achieved so much thus far?
Was that really all done by me?

That lazy, unhappy, useless man
He only went and followed a plan
Writing blogs and now a book
I will have to take a second look

That man, smiling so happily
Looks familiar, a face from the past
Working at the computer
Typing words so fast

He looks dedicated
Like he is on a mission
I want to question him
Ask him about his vision

I wont disturb him
He looks so cheery
No longer shoulders slumped
Tired, beaten and weary

That man it’s Garry
The one from before
Overcoming some issues
Showing them out of the door

Garry the joker
Garry the one on who you could rely
Is starting to return
He feels like he could fly

I’m on my way back
The skies blue no longer grey
I’m thankful to be alive
I am not going away

The sunshine that woke me
Heralding a new start
The plans for me have been chosen
Now time for me to play my part

I found the right path
I went the correct direction
Time to grasp this opportunity
No time for reflection

Friends came through to me
Reaching out, showing me the way
I had to take this path alone
But in my heart they will stay

A new day of hope
Of expectation and glory
The good times are coming back
What an end to this story!

Road to Recovery

When I started writing my blog I didn’t know what to expect from it, was I doing it to help others or to help myself and a few days in I still really don’t know the answer to this. Blogging about your feelings and depression in general can be difficult and a sensitive subject but I am determined to make a good go of it!

What I do know is that it has given me a sense of purpose and fulfillment that I hadn’t felt for a long time. I enjoy writing and see this as some form of therapy for me in getting my feelings and thoughts down not just for the world to see but for me to look back on. I have been waking up early just to see how many views and comments I have had on my posts. 

People who care about me are worried what will happen if it start getting abuse, negative comments etc but to be truthful it really wouldn’t bother me. When you spent your childhood being called four-eyes and your adult life being called fatty a little name calling is like water off a ducks back, I learnt long ago people like that are abusive to others to mask their own insecurities. 

When writing these blogs I let the pen flow, well in the virtual sense, and don’t think about what i am writing it just comes out naturally which is what I hope makes the subjects that more interesting for you the reader because I am not holding back and just putting my heart into it.

Going back over the posts so far has been a good lesson for me and although some people think I should speak to a professional I am of the view that the only person to help myself is me and the first step is being ready to discuss my feelings which is what I am doing here…. and this is a big step I have taken and thus far is working for me.

Yesterday was a good day for me, Sheryl read my post on here and seeing the smile on her face was priceless, and knowing she was proud of me spurs me on to try a different approach to life. To the extend that I did two things yesterday that shocked me to the core, and those who know me are going to be shocked by this as well.

I didn’t go on Facebook yesterday for the 1st time in years! (well aside from replying to a couple of messages from my phone) and spent the day doing housework so when Sheryl came home from visiting her parents she wouldn’t have to run around like a blue arsed fly trying to restore the place from the destruction caused by “Hurricane Lilybet” or our daughter Elizabeth as she is more commonly known. Yes you read that correct no facebook and did housework!! 

 So here we are a few days into my blogging “career” and the benefits for me are outweighing any negatives, whilst some people may feel I am being too personal with my content I do feel that depression is a subject that needs more publicity and myth busting as it were. There will be a lot more to come from me on that subject especially on spotting the signs in your partner, family or friends because chances are you will see it before they do!

I hope people are enjoying reading these because I enjoy writing them, my own vanity loves seeing the number of views whilst at the same time wishing more people would come and visit my little site. I refuse to go professional in terms of upgrading the site until 100’s of people visit not just my usual suspects of friends 🙂

Have a great day everyone
Garry “the happy little moose”