Something has happened tonight but I don’t have an idea what it is.
I feel like one of two things is going to happen.
1. I am going to break down and cry
2. I am going to explode
I feel beaten tonight, earlier I was feeling great.
I don’t think I can cope anymore if the moods are going to change so rapidly.
Today I have been anxious, stressed, happy, emotional and angry its all too much for me.
It is making no sense as to why the sudden changes it is the first time I have been through so many different moods in one day.
I got to admit i don’t like it – I had things planned for tonight wanted to write some more of my book, finish editing the poetry book and I am in the mood for doing nothing but wallow in self pity!
I feel like I have nothing left to offer. All the messages of support this week, the encouragement I have received has been pushed out and replaced with the negativity again.
And it makes me so effing frustrated and mad with myself!
I thought I was getting a handle on depression, was feeling like I was controlling it for once rather than it controlling me. It has turned round and bit my right between the legs and is shaking me around like a rag doll.
Tonight is the night I need help but is also the night that I wont accept it.
Tonight is the night I need Jesus to send me some angels and help me through.
Those of you who prayer please say one for me tonight, it is not often I ask for this but there is something seriously wrong tonight.
Here is hoping for a brighter tomorrow!