A Quick Update

Hi all apologies for lack of posts and visibility for few weeks. Truth be told is that I’m currently suffering from depression and struggling to function let alone write, and believe me I have tried writing lots of posts.

Some event has triggered me and I’m not quite sure what it was or why but for the last few weeks I have isolated myself from people – not sure if its been noticed by many but the usual suspects have.

It’s even reached the point now where I feel like I need to get my arse down to the Dr and discuss medication again. Whilst I haven’t been on antidepressants for years I think it would be a sensible option right now.

Insomnia, self doubt, exhaustion mentally and now physical symptoms are all the same old issues that have reappeared and its time to do something about it for my own sake.

I seem to be more worried about other people and their battles and helping them than looking after myself and to be blunt I’m fucking sick and tired of these people ignoring me and stressing me out. If you are not going to look after yourself who else will?

It could be just a bad spell, it could be the start of a long spiral out of control but now I have realised I need to start taking some steps to deal with it.

After the past 12 months its only to be expected that a crash would happen eventually…. maybe time to stop blocking out shit thats happened and deal with it once and for all.

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If Depression was a person or a group

If depression was a person, or a group of people, it would be like a group similar to the mafia.

It’s part of a secret society where only the members truly know what happens on the inside.

The world at large knows of it’s existence but the understanding is based on bad press and a lack of knowledge to the mechanics that keep the wheels oiled.

Hidden away in the shadows you know it is there but dare not speak it’s name. Its almost taboo to mention it in case it hears you and turns its attention on you.

Like the hired guns of the mafia it stalks it prey with only one outcome, overwhelming you with the emotional stress of trying to fight the inevitable grip it will soon hold on you.

Give it an inch and it will take a mile, and yet as hard as you resist that mile becomes 10 miles and so on until you are completely at its mercy, to the point where you think it is helping you.

Try to take back those stolen miles and back it comes with a vengeance, twice as strong and all guns blazing.

Many books are written on the subject but most are done from the outside looking in because only those on the inside can reveal the exact workings, and yet talking about it is almost forbidden and is frowned upon.

But there is always a glimmer of hope that someone from inside will speak out, tell the world about the secret society and shed light on it for others in the belief that educating will improve understanding. Looking over their shoulders for the hit men sent to discourage, to dispel the words as fiction. Menacing glares and examples set to ensure that no one else will speak out.

Then when you think you are free from the shackles BOOM! it strikes back and brings you back down to earth with a bang.

Only the strongest survive, the ones too weak to fight back get devoured.

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Finally all the years reading about the mafia has come to use!