Help…It’s an Emergency…Of Sorts

Before I start I feel I should explain to my friends outside of England that 999 is the number here for the emergency services. Picture me whimpering, anxious and in a bad way as I make a call to 999…

999 Operator : 999 which emergency service do you require?

me: I….I’m not sure which one can help me but I have an emergency!

999:  What is the emergency Sir?

me:  please send someone I am getting desperate!

999:  ok Sir, help will be with you soon, please tell me the emergency so we can help

me:  is this call confidential?

999: yes but I need to know what the emergency is!


999: sorry I think I miss heard you! can you repeat so we can get you help?

me: there are….no..biscuits…in…my flat

999: hangs up!


UPDATE: for my good friends across the pond biscuits = cookies


Apparently this is not considered an emergency! try telling that to me whilst I sit on my knees reaching into every nook and cranny of the cupboards looking for the invisible biscuits.

I think I might go onto Dragon’s Den or The Apprentice with a business proposal of an emergency biscuit courier service where we have a website and a hotline for people to reach out to us in times of desperation and we get them biscuits delivered within a certain time frame.

Naturally we will charge an extortionate fee because after all we are running a business!