Sounds

The clock is ticking loud and clear,

Each minute feels like an hour.

The sound of every passing second

Reminding me I should be sleeping.

 

The boiler slowly kicking into life.

The flame reigniting

Both these constant noises

Remind me that I’m still here – fighting.

 

The humming of the refrigerator

The computer slowly whirring

I rise up from my creaking bed

At last a moose is stirring.

 

The creaking doors and windows

As I greet the world outside.

The kettle boiling and cigarette being lit

Sighing with that first nicotine hit.

 

The crow down below

Squawking with all its might

“wake up you lazy bastards

it morning time not night”

 

The cats following me around the place

“Feed me I want to stuff my face!”

The mornings are my favourite time

Full of joyous sights and noisey rhyme

 

And so at 7 am here I sit

Taking in all the sounds

A new day is beginning

Another day that I will be winning!

00.00

As the clocks turns to midnight a new day begins!

As the clocks turns to midnight a new day begins!

 

The clock turns to midnight.

A new day begins.

The moose is gently sleeping

wondering what the new day will bring.

 

Feeling good or feeling down,

I have but no idea,

what matters is that at 23.59

I will still be here!

 

Watching sun rising, then watching it set,

I made it through the day.

I celebrate that once again

I didn’t let depression stand in my way.

 

Accepting today may be hard on me,

But working through my pain

Soon midnight will reappear

And I start the battle again!

 

Today is the present

Yesterday is now in the past.

I can forget what happened on that day

Knowing any bad days cannot last!

 

Each day is guaranteed twists and turns,

Depression works in this way

Chalk up a victory for me though

I made it through another day!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What I see Part 2

 

I have been asked to write a poem,

with much less negativity.

A chance to be more appreciative

About the good things in me.

 

I’m 16 stone of love machine

A sex god if you will,

And all achieved without the need,

for a magic blue pill!

 

with charm, charisma and wonderful humour,

I should be on the tele,

I could be the new Keith Lemon,

with less ginger and more belly.

 

A big strong heart and caring nature,

A moose just like no other,

But the sun would have a field day,

with stories sold by my evil twin brother! (sorry David)

 

I can laugh at my misfortune,

I don’t take myself too seriously,

I’d make a great presenter,

And pronounce all my letter unlike “wossy”

 

People open up to me,

They feel I’m someone they can trust,

But don’t leave me near your pizzas,

I’d eat it all and leave the crust!

 

Strong minded but gentle,

wise beyond my years.

I will hold your hand and guide you

As you take on your fears!

 

My strength comes from helping others,

seeing the victories they make.

No victory to small, no challenge we cant face,

I will be there every step of the way with dignity and grace.

 

A message of encouragement,

A simple “are you Okay?”

Knowing someone has your back

Makes such a difference to your day.

 

I’m that person, the one on who you can rely,

Celebrating your successes, or listening while you cry.

You can talk to me about any issues,

I will be here handing out the tissues.

 

If I look real hard I can see,

There are some real good qualities in me!

It is thanks to some good people out there,

To remind me to treat myself with more care.

 

So one day when your watching TV,

You just might find a moose,

fingers crossed its not crimewatch,

being caught doing things with a goose!

 

I will be famoose one day,

Just you wait and see,

a brand new television show

entitled “The Moose and Me”

 

I’d go around the country,

helping others with their woes,

overcoming life real troubles,

it would be a series of uplifting shows!

 

Behind the lack of confidence,

is a man with quite a big dream,

famous for helping other people,

how ridiculous does that seem?

 

But that is how I see myself,

someone to help the masses.

Putting myself in the public eye,

so we can kick some collective asses!

 

A man who is open and honest,

sharing his experiences with nowhere to hide.

Fuck this negative crap,

I should be full of pride!

 

I have a great sense of humour,

I think I am rather witty.

No more being hard on myself,

and making myself feel shitty!

 

I’m gonna focus on the good things,

The qualities that you seem to like,

from this moment on,

Negativity can take a hike!!!

 

 

Thanks to Barry for encouraging me to try this!

What I See

It’s a rough period currently, I cannot seem to shake the self loathing feelings I am experiencing and at the moment there seems to be no light at the end of this tunnel…apologies for another awful poem but God loves a trier!

Losing my hair and going grey,

getting fatter by the day!

fatty, ugly and four eyes

the names i call myself bring tears to my eyes!

 

overweight, lazy a waste of a life

a terrible husband to my long suffering wife!

I should be alone not bringing down folks,

I should be the butt of peoples jokes.

 

You see me as witty, charming perhaps,

I see a fat mess who can’t run 2 laps!

The horrible smile, the nasty stained teeth,

A former man now lacking belief.

 

How do I return to the Moose of old?

Not giving a damn, strong and bold.

Even just for a day, to feel happy again,

24 hours release from this self inflicted pain!

 

Buried away he must still be there,

spending hours in the mirror, putting gel in his hair.

A twinkling of the eyes, a devilish grin

The first on the dance floor so the party could begin.

 

If you see the old Garry,

send him my way.

I know y’all would love him,

he’s better than the “new” me I can say

 

Remind him of the times when we had fun,

Sipping jack and coke relaxing in the sun

Surrounded by friends, laughing and joking.

Not this mess of a man currently choking!

 

If only I could see,

what you other people see.

Then I would strive to be,

A better version of me!

 

 

Send me an Angel

 

 

photo credit: Google images

photo credit: Google images

I know your up there looking down on me,

Send me an angel or some kind of sign,

something to help or to guide me,

Through this difficult time.

 

If you were still here today,

you would know the right things to say.

You would tell me you love me and that you believe,

Instead I’m lost without you struggling to grief.

 

Knowing to you I could turn,

lessons you helped me learn,

You helped me from doing wrong,

Because your faith in me was strong.

 

Please send me an angel,

To watch over and guide.

Give me back that warm sensation

Of feeling your pride.

 

Just a flicker of the lights,

or some tapping on the wall.

Anything to let me know

your still here after all.

 

Send this angel today

in the form of motivation,

remind me what I’m good at

give me some inspiration

 

Makes me creative again

put the words in my heart

if im touched by an angel

i can make a fresh start!

 

 

There’s a Storm a coming

 

Blue sky turns dark,

black clouds overhead

The storm is a coming

bringing feelings of dread.

 

A month of “success”,

Taking it all in my stride,

Telling myself I have beaten it

Turns out I lied.

 

The sunshine disappearing,

Replaced by thunder, lightning and rain

The suffering of my friends

Causing me so much pain.

 

Let the rain wash over me,

Let the storm sweep me away,

I’m stronger than you think

I will be back another day.

 

Suffering doubts and self pity,

It’s no longer my style.

I can handle what you throw at me,

I will beat you with a smile.

 

Allowing the bad days,

No more being dragged back down

No more hiding from the fight.

It’s a new day tomorrow and with it comes new light.

 

I’m not scared of you storm,

and the drama your bringing

I’m Garry the moose

And I’m used to winning!

 

One day at a time,

The storm will not last

Keep the faith in your recovery

And once more it will have passed!

Outside Looking In

Things are not always what they seem from the outside when depression gets a hold of someone

Been a while since I tried some poetry as always forgive me as it is not a strong point of mine!

This is no way indicative of how I feel today though….

 

 

You have wonderful kids and a beautiful wife!

I hate myself and hate my life!

 

You have a roof over your head!

My place is so small I dont sleep in a bed!

 

you live off the state so you must be rich!

try telling that to my empty freezer and fridge!

 

you get money for nothing life must easy!

Im dealing with thoughts that are trying to kill me!

 

you spend all your time on the internet!

I have to rely on people that I’ve never met!

 

depression isn’t real its all in your head!

I battle with the feeling of being better off dead!

 

your putting it on there is nothing wrong that I can see!

walk a mile in my shoes and see what its like being me!

 

You have a smile on your face you cant be ill!

the smile is fake masking how I really feel!

 

==================================================================================

 

 

 

IBS Woes

Gotta love having IBS up top of all my other problems! so here is a shitty ditty for you all

 

Just once let me wake up in the morning

and not have to run for a shit

my life is hard enough lately

and this is getting me down quite a bit

 

I’ve only been up 20 minutes

and already on my 3rd visit

this is no way for a young man to live

please say it will get better, but will it?

 

It affecting all aspects of my life,

and its caused changes I dont like

I once would have been sponsored by durex

now I’m writing to Andrex

 

Wish I knew what was causing this problem

the stress and anxiety thats causing it

but for now one thing is for certain,

in more ways than one my life is shit!

 

Dedicated to You – you know who you are..

My own little way of saying Thank you for all you do for me.

I may not always show it,

But you mean the world to me,

Your endless support and kindness,

Always being the best friend you can be.

 

 

A simple message,

or a long winded talk,

Yet we are such different people,

If I’m cheese your chalk.

 

 

You never judge me or criticise,

You allow me to speak freely,

A clean tissue at the ready,

To wipe any tears from my eyes.

 

 

A friend like you is a miracle find,

Whenever I feel down, your always one step behind,

A diamond in the rough you sparkle so bright,

You give me the strength to make it through the night.

 

 

An angel sent down from heaven,

to watch over me and guide,

With you covering my back,

I no longer need to hide.

 

 

If everyone had a friend like you,

The world would be a better place,

But for now I am not sharing you with anyone,

You are truly my saving grace.

Stepping into the Light – Poems from the Darkness is alive!

I did it, I DID IT!!

I have published a second book. It is the poetry book that I was talking about has been uploaded to smashwords and is alive!!

over 40 people have contributed poems to the book and I am very very very proud of myself today! This book will hopefully raise some money for Mind from sales as well.

The book can be found here please help spread the word!