Couldnt Stay Away Moose

Ok so I really tried to stay away but in the words of Michael Corleone “everytime I think I am out they pull me back in”.

So an update for you as to what has been going on since last we saw each other.

Marriage wise it is all over, and my heart is broken. I don’t blame her for walking away from me as my depression obviously took a huge toll on her. The poor thing must be completely worn out physically, emotionally and mentally and whilst I wish things were different and that I could wave a magic wand and make things better I know life doesn’t work that way. I will always leave the door open in the hope that we can talk one day but at the moment it’s not an option and I have to accept that. It is not what I wanted and I worded things wrongly in the heat of the moment, wasn’t the first time and probably wont be the last time I fuck up when my intentions are good.

So bad news out the way back to the depression….

what depression!

For the past 4 weeks at least I have had no depressive thoughts or fears. My phq9 score has sat on zero for the whole time. I have been going to the gym 5x a week and have lost 20 lbs since February and currently weigh the lowest I have in years!

I have seen my GP about coming off my medication too. He was amazed at the change in my persona when I walked into his office let alone the weight change, and this was before I told him what had been going on in my private life! He nearly fell off the chair at how well I was doing and we are now in the process of gradually decreasing my medication in preparation for coming off completely.

It works like this

2 days normal dosage, 1 day half dosage the gradually increase the number of days I have the half dosage. 1 day a week, then 2 days a week, then 3 and so on. It will take a few months to come off the medication and I expect that some days/weeks will be worse than others but now is the time for me as I haven’t felt this good for years!

One thing you all know about me is that I am a fighter and the depression has been knocked from pillar to post the past few weeks and we are now entering the last few rounds and the strongest will survive, that will be me! I’m not going for a quick knockout I want this to be a battle to the last bell when depression will have so much knocked out of it that it wont want to face me again in a rematch!

To paraphrase Charlie Sheen

I have moose blood in me and I am winning!

 

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16 comments on “Couldnt Stay Away Moose

  1. Hey.

    Glad to hear you’re doing well despite everything. I’m in an eerily similar situation. There’s been some blips but think I’m heading in the right direction.

    You’re an inspiration pal. A light at the end of a tunnel.

    Pete (@p_anrep)

    Ps. Nice too see you back here.

  2. Glad you’re back! You decided to leave just when I found you 😦 But this is good news and I’m extra happy you are feeling better. No… that you are GETTING better!

  3. Thank God you’re back and I have to say I’m being a little selfish there. I was a newbybto you – just getting into the swing of things and then you’d gone! What is so special is where your head is at right now despite all the other life changing stuff going on around you. If I lived nearer or even knew where you were I’d take you out for a pint. Mind you I have problems going out coz of my depression and anxiety so would give you the money instead or buy you a 6 pack!! So bloody good on you! Onwards and upwards and I look forward to hearing from you cheering you on from the sidelines xx

  4. Wow Garry… it really is the best of times and the worst of times, isn’t it? I lost a lot of weight following the split from my wife – I’ve lost about 70 pounds since the beginning of 2012. It’s probably more because I have no accurate idea of how much I weighed, other than it was at least 250 pounds.

    I have no idea what that is in stones… I used to be English, but living in the US for the past 9 years has taken it’s toll, ha ha

    Anyway, hang in there, my friend. You’re gonna be alright.

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