But Men dont get depression…

I was asked by the Mental Health Foundation to write something for them as it is “Men’s Health Week” see more on their Facebook page here

 

It always struck me as strange that woman are so much more open about discussing their mental health illnesses than men are. Often we are more worried about how we are perceived by our friends and family to actually admit that we have an issue. This comes long before we find the strength to seek help and speak about depression with our GP.
The stigma attached to depression often forces men to simply deny they have any issues because we don’t want to be seen as weak, <insert cave man voice here> “ug man strong”.

This was one of my main reasons for wanting to branch into the blogging world and share my experiences with others, men in particular, to dispel the myth of weakness and depression being linked. Going to my GP and breaking down in tears as I explained my problems and feelings to him didn’t scare me half as much as announcing it to friends and family let alone social media but I was determined to show that even though I suffer with depression I have the strength to tackle it head on whilst trying to help others in the process.
There are a lot of men out there still too proud to talk about depression with partner/children but for me I have never tried to hide it from them (once diagnosed of course). It helps to talk about how your struggling because it gets it all off your chest.

One of the things I have come to realise is that the weight of keeping everything inside is a lot more than the weight of people thinking I am weak because I have depression.
I cannot emphasis enough that the best way to deal with depression is to talk about it with loved ones or friends. The more people we have talking about depression will only decrease the stigma we feel about it, and by you speaking out it not only helps you but could help others as well. From my own experience I can tell you that people really appreciate knowing others are talking about mental health because it makes things easier for them.
As for me, I battle daily with my demons but I always have an ear for someone who wants to talk about depression, sometimes that’s all people with depression require….

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An Update for You

I am still wifeless – she wants space so I am leaving her in peace.

I am coping pretty damn well though if I do say so myself. The flat have been hoovered, there is no dirty laundry and all washing up has been done. It appears I can be domesticated how would have thought….

My depression is not being allowed to affect me, as much as I am hurting right now I HAVE to stay strong for my own sanity as well as for Brandon and Lilybet.

I know a few people are concerned about any thoughts of suicide so let me reassure you all that the thought has never even crossed my mind! All I am focusing on is dragging the old Garry out from where he has been hiding, kicking and screaming if necessary!

I am Moose I AM STRONG!!!!!

I have been through enough over the past 2 years to know I can survive anything if only I realise how fucking awesome I actually am! There I said it I am awesome! I have helped lots of people through my battle and who am I to deny the public its craving for moose!

This brings me nicely to my next point….

How do you help someone with depression when they are going through hard times?

Judging by the lack of messages from people I have known online for many years it appears that doing nothing and saying nothing is the best way…

Now let me tell you this, if I am going through shit times nothing and I repeat NOTHING brightens my day more than a message from a friend asking if I am ok, and letting me know they are there if I need/want to talk.

It is not a case of saying the wrong thing, it is all about letting that person know you are there for them. By doing nothing you are only adding to their issues because it makes them think that you couldn’t care less. Believe me I am talking from experience!

It takes a few minutes to send someone a message yet that could have such a positive reaction and make a huge difference to that person.

As much as I moan about not having any friends in the real world I have some brilliant folks in the online community who have been checking up on me and listening to my wallowing…. as for those who haven’t bothered well that is their loss not mine I am not bitter about it, I would say more vindictive is my nature <evil cackle>

As I have tweeted many times before make effort with people with depression and it will help. I don’t always wanna talk about depression! I am depressed but I am still Garry/Moose I can still take the piss out of you like I used to 😀

Sometimes the fear of saying the wrong thing prevents people from getting in touch but my experience is that I would rather have someone accidentally say the wrong thing but with good intentions than being ignored..

So to summarize for you

1) I have no suicidal thoughts or feelings

2) Moose is fucking awesome and starting to realise it!

3) Don’t be a stranger

 

 

Down But Not Quite Out

It appears I am much better at helping other people than I am at dealing with my own shit!

But even then I tend to fuck things up so all round I’m pretty damn useless around people.  So a quick apology to anyone who I have pissed off – you know who you are!

Back to my shit though.

This week after a chat with Mrs Moose it was decided that it would be best if she went to her mums, unfortunately this is the second time in the past month so I cannot tell you if it is a separation or the end at this point.  I am hard work, I am moody, needy, selfish and downright lazy and for her to be unhappy makes my depression even worse so mutually we came to this decision. What the future holds is anybodies guess but after almost 8 years of struggling with money worries and my mental health it has taken its toll on the both of us and the fight appears to have gone.

Where this leaves me currently is even harder to decipher, the prospect of adding a failed marriage to my list of failures is real and I am sure this makes me even more desirable to any potential partner.

What has been nice is that a few people have really stepped up in the last few days and made themselves available to talk if I need someone. It is great that people want to return the support I have given them in the past…

My low self esteem continues to eat away at me, add this to being frankly shit scared of what happens now and you can understand why I have been quiet the past few days.

I don’t see myself as desirable, lovable or attractive and I guess until I learn to like myself again I cannot expect anyone else to either. I can go one of two ways now though, I can go back to the gregarious Garry who was in all honesty a complete wanker! or I can sink into my shell even further – it appears that there is no middle ground and again this is something that I need to work on.

Certainly I am not that same 18 year old who would have a different woman a week and just didn’t care what people though of me, after all now I have a reputation as Moose to protect! but wouldn’t it be awesome for me if someone actually wanted me and lusted over me, made me feel like I was attractive. Who doesn’t want to feel wanted and needed? I know I do.

I am now working on being strong and trying to improve my mental health as poor old Brandon worries about his dad! He forgets it was me and him on our own for a few years before Mrs Moose came on the scene, but again I am different these days and he is an incredibly sensitive boy. Not many 13 year old kids have his sensitivity (or dramatic flair!) but he makes me very proud of him.

a rare photo of Brandon and  The Moose

a rare photo of Brandon and The Moose

 

I don’t talk much about Brandon because he isn’t as cute as Lilybet! but in all honesty it’s more about not wanting to embarrass him as he likes to read this blog – I don’t mind him reading it either as it educating him on mental health, something I wish my mother had done with me as she suffered from depression when I was growing up.

 

When Moosey met WeeGee

It was almost like when Harry met Sally – almost! Okay it was nothing like that because A) I’m Garry not Harry and 2) she is not called Sally but it was a day when two great minds collided and put the world to rights. That also did not happen…

What happened is that I finally got to meet Weegee – my bestest blogging buddy!

Weegee was the first person to like, comment and follow my blog and has been my go to person ever since I started writing.

She was much more lovely in real life and we had a wonderful day exploring the south bank of the Thames and walking round for ages until she admitted she was lost (she didnt admit that of course but my moose instincts told me so hehehe)

Sometimes in life all you need is great company, a big mac and some peroni (the nicest beer ever!)  and if you get the chance to meet someone from the online community then grasp it and dont look back!

It is the one thing I say often on this blog about the importance of getting out and about and meeting friends. Do it and do it now, a stranger is a friend you have not met (copyright ME:2013)

Click here for weegee’s version of events and lament the fact that we enjoyed the day so much we forgot to take any bloody pictures.

Decisions and Depression

If you have decisions to make how do you separate the logic from thinking with the thought that it is actually the depression talking and holding you back?

Spending time thinking, in turn, time over analyzing the thinking.  Before you know it you are even more confused than when you started! So how do we manage to decide our future when there is a constant battle between your mind and your depression in the whole damn process!

As the wheels of the brain slowly turns I keep coming back to the starting question without making any progress on an answer, in fact there seems to be more questions each time. Weighing up pros and cons or writing lists is not something I am partial to doing. Someone told me to follow my gut – I ended up with a big mac in my hand!

Things need changing and I am scared of the consequences and where it will lead me!

Who, what, where, when got nothing on the fucking questions in my head lately.

Times like this I wish I was not stuck on a fucking waiting list for therapy!

TW stigma My name is Jemma and I have a personality disorder

Jemma is a wonderfully supportive person and this is a great post! please check it out and visit her blog!

POTSy not Potty

I’m standing up. I’m declaring I have a personality disorder. I also have general anxiety disorder and bipolar. I have some physical health problems too, but apparently they are less likely to make me a murderer, or so the recent article by Deborah Orr would have people believe. I refuse to link to it as I think the fewer people who read her offensive, spiteful words the better.

It has taken me a while after first reading her article to write this as I needed to step away from the computer, in the meantime the fantastic Louise Pennington has written ‘Ignoring the Obvious to Perpetuate Myths about Violence’  and I thank her for doing this so quickly.

Similarly to Louise I’m not sure where to start. Even after taking over an hour away to compose myself, my feelings have been triggered so deeply that it is impossible for me to…

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