Finding Me(mo)

I cant explain why but something  just clicked within the last 24 hours within myself.

The old Garry has come out of hiding and kicked the other one into touch. I feel so good today yet seeing as I was told my marriage is over yesterday it makes absolutely no sense why suddenly now he has returned.

Not that I am complaining…

Was it the shock of being told that the love of my life and best friend didn’t want me anymore? I really couldn’t tell you.

Don’t get me wrong I am heartbroken and hurting over what has happened, but I understand her reasons for needing to make a break,if only I had worded things better and explained things better if may be different but hindsight is a wonderful tool and I am a firm believer in things happening for a reason.

The depression took a hold of me to the point where I didn’t even know which Garry would wake up in the mornings so how could someone else? Fighting to keep going can only drain you over time and I bare no ill will or malice towards Sheryl, a beautiful woman with a wonderful heart who has had lots to deal with over the years and not complained once!

We were friends long before we became involved and long may our friendship continue….. of course the door will never close should she want to talk once the hurting phase is over.

And so back to the old me!

I have felt a renewed confidence in myself, can feel the self esteem rising and best of all I am starting to like the person looking back at me in the mirror!

The lip ring that I was hiding behind has been removed, this of course makes me more kissable – but more importantly it means I can smile properly again!

going going

taken the lip ring out

gone!

eyes twinkle and smile returns!

watch out world because if the old me is back then there will be trouble! you thought I was a pain in the arse before? ha ha you aint seen nothing yet!

confidence, sparkling eyes and the gift of the gab!

The person you fell out of love with is back the one you enjoyed being around and no fucking way am I letting him hide anymore!

The future may start looking brighter once again because I am in control of my destiny!

Juliana told me about a wonderful song today and as you all know (or if you are new to my blog will learn soon enough) I am a sucker for lyrics which feel like they were written with me in mind!

Moose listening to country music! next thing you know I will be wearing a stetson and spitting tobacco…

here are the lyrics which spoke to me, and I feel like the perfect way to describe the way I am feeling today

I ain’t no angel
I still got a few more dances with the devil
I’m cleanin up my act, little by little
I’m getting there
I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be

I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be

its taken me years to reach this point… if only it was a few months ago…..

I have loved, been loved and lost love but I am still here ready for whatever life will throw at me next!

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19 comments on “Finding Me(mo)

  1. yay! so glad to see that you are doing well today! I am sorry to hear about your marriage, but maybe breaking free of a tie will help you focus on YOU, and who knows what the future may bring when YOU returns 🙂 I look forward to seeing more of this new Smily Moose.

    ps, little known fact: smiling actually is proven to make you feel better. Sometimes its hard, but when you smile more, you are more happy. So try to find something everyday to smile about.

  2. Oh Mr. Moose, I am ever so delighted that you’re keeping yourself positive and upbeat. It’ll be rough for awhile, but it’ll get better. But you said something which is key – YOU are in control of YOUR destiny. Remember that, live it.

  3. Hun, sometimes we have to hit rock bottom to bounce back up. Finding out for sure that my (then) husband was cheating was my rock bottom and I am doing so much better now. I have a long way to go but I know that whatever I end up like at the end of that journey was done entirely by me for me. It’s horrible that it’s taken the end of a marriage to make us both start back on the uphill path but you’ll get there eventually, just like I will 🙂 xx

  4. Hey glad to hear that you are feeling gd and I’m sorry to hear of your break up also hard times! But as the song goes what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger lol I always have a titter to myself when I hear it as sometimes it can be literal especially if you have had depression in the past! But let’s just put it all down to life experience! 🙂 keep up the smiling its the nicest thing you can have

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