Why Do You Share EVERYTHING?

A question I was asked earlier today based upon a tweet I sent.



As I walking home from the shop earlier today I was lucky enough to shit myself!

So why tweet about it? share it on facebook? and blog about it? after all it really is a bit of a shitty subject isn’t it!

Who really wants to hear about someone who’s life is ruined by not being able to control his bowels?

But what if there is just one person out there who has the same condition and can’t talk about it with anyone?

what if they see what I have written and it makes them seek help?

This is why I hold nothing back on my blog. I want to be able to help someone.

Embarrassment does not keep me awake at night, my issues are all brought about by my own criticisms of myself.  What people think about me is not a factor in my mental health because I can guarantee that I think less of me than anyone out there.

Regular, and older, readers of this blog know I talk about issues that a lot of men dare speak about. From erection problems to bowel issues if I suffer with it I will share it because all it takes it just one person to get the ball rolling and suddenly it is not so taboo.

I would like to think I have earned respect from people as a result of my openness , in almost a year of blogging I have never received a negative message from anyone about the subject matters I write about.

What is embarrassing to others is, unfortunately, everyday live for me. Depression and the stigma attached to it is nothing compared to the suffering of IBS. All the blood tests and other tests have shown that I am not intolerant of foods and that it’s all stress/anxiety related, yet I carry on regardless because I inspire to help other people. Where I let myself down is post accident where I let my confidence suffer and get drawn back down.

My concern comes from the runs (yes in more ways than one am I concerned by runs!) I have to do this month. Not content with the Bupa 10k run on 27th I have also signed up for The Superhero Run a week earlier. What if I have an accident on the way round the course?

Well thank God for my sense of humour!

I may just order this t-shirt from vistaprint to cover that eventuality (I designed it earlier!)

especially for any runners behind me in the races

especially for any runners behind me in the races

So if you find a post on here that you find embarrassing, remember that it is something I have to deal with. If I have to suffer than other people are suffering as well.

This Moose is an all guns blazing kinda mammal and deep down I suspect you would not want me any other way!


Guest Post – Rose Returns!

I am interested in what distractions people use when dealing with their mental health. I asked on twitter if anyone was willing to write a guest post about distractions and Rose sent this in! Rose also wrote a guest blog for me recently and I am delighted she has returned!

The original post she wrote can be found here

Over to you Rose….


The art of distraction.

Why would I need distraction ?

When you are depressed there are many things that can help you to feel better, sulking about it isn’t one of them. It’s not hard to understand that sitting on the sofa or lying in bed all day isn’t going to make you happy, especially when your thoughts are mainly about the fact that you are not happy.

Now even though it’s not very helpful, it is natural that your depression is on your mind a lot, it’s a feeling that is impossible to ignore.

This is one of the reasons why distraction is recommended by healthcare professionals, to keep your mind busy with other things.

You might wonder why not just not think about bad things then ? Well, the best answer on that you can give yourself, with help of a little experiment.

When you are reading the rest of this post, don’t think about a cuddly pink bear, whatever you do don’t think about that cuddly pink bear! Got it? Good.

Another reason is that doing things that you use to enjoy can bring back the feeling of enjoyment. It won’t be there immediately and you might need support of medication to be able to feel enjoyment again but when there is any change its best noticeable with those things you use to love doing.

simple but not easy

when you are depressed, you don’t really want to do anything.

Especially when you are deep in the depression.

Then everything is heavy, its like walking with cement blocks on your legs and you are already tired before you even begin. Your concentration is gone and you are pretty sure that you will fail at everything you try.

Naturally your instinct is to just stay in bed and wait until it’s over but as we discussed earlier, that won’t help. It’s very hard to any motivation to do anything but keep remembering that it is important in getting better.

Last year I came to the point where I couldn’t bring myself to do anything any more and I was taking into hospital. In the psych ward they also work with distraction, they had a whole program mainly meant as a way to keep your mind occupied. That the program wasn’t optional helped me into doing things again, for a long time I just did them because I had to but then there where moments where I began to like it again. Following the program wasn’t optional what was a good thing as I wouldn’t have done it if it was.

What helped me a lot when I came out of hospital is having someone who reminded me that it was important to keep doing things and someone to help make plans so I didn’t spend too much time on thinking about what to do. Also a gentle kick in the behind is at times just what I need.

My favourite distractions

this is what I love doing the most, writing. Not only (hopefully) informative post but also fiction in form of short stories and poems usually. Also I am working on a novel that I would love to finish and publish it someday.

I often write as now in English but my novel really will be in my native language, Dutch.

It’s not only working as a distraction for me but is also therapeutic as writing is a good way to express myself.

There are times when writing is just too difficult because it requires either thought or inspiration, neither is my depressed brain very good in.

reading is also something I really like, when I find that I can’t concentrate enough to read myself I find that audio-books are a good alternative.

I also like to puzzle, I make simple soduku’s on my phone or on paper. Jigsaw puzzles are also a great thing to do. I puzzle quite obsessively and often, it works quite calming for me and gives a feeling of accomplishment when its finished. When concentration is low I stick to simple and small puzzles so it doesn’t become frustrating.

Games on phone or computer are also often played and the tv is well watched.

With dry weather I try to get out of the house at least once a day. before this week it was always work that forced me out but work had due to all kind of thing become too stressful so now I am home. So now I walk and bicycle to get my fresh air (exercise is good for body and mind)

another thing that I have to watch on is that I am not days alone, this is a difficult one for me.

I do have the need for social contact and others are a great source of enjoyment and distraction but getting in touch with people isn’t easy for me as an autistic person. I go by a friend and to my parents from time to time but don’t want to bother them too much. Not sure how I am going to solve that one to be honest but I’ll find a way.

About that bear

if our little experiment has worked (and if this post wasn’t too distracting) you will have found that you never have thought so much about a cuddly pink bear as you did now. When you try not to think about something then in trying to do that you constantly remembering not to think about it what causes you to think about it.

Redirecting your mind to something else is far more effective than just trying not to think about it.

Twinkle Twinkle

The ever shy Lilybet found the flip camcorder again and was very kind to allow me to film her again.

This time she is singing so you are very honoured to hear her!

She also appears to be suffering from too much energy as she is bouncing off the walls tonight LOL


Somewhere out there is an advertising company looking for a cute kid to be part of a commercial! well look no further!


Gardening and Depression – Garden Envy

As the warm weather returns (and hopefully stays!) I start to wish that I had a garden for me to go and enjoy the sunshine in.

Alas I am stuck on the top floor (2nd or 3rd depending how you count them) and have to look out at other people enjoying their own little space, in a flat that will soon double as a sauna once the real summer arrives.

As I continue on my journey to recovery I am thinking more and more about distractions that could help people with depression and gardening would seem to be a trick I miss out on.

Recently a good friend asked me to help clear her garden as it was overgrown. I say garden loosely as when I got into it the first thing that I thought about was the hidden tribesmen and their spears attacking me as we headed deeper into the jungle.

I am not green fingered either, unless you include an awful nose picking and cold incident but I will not elaborate!

There was something incredibly therapeutic about taking all your built up frustration onto that poor defenceless weed that needs pulling up or removing a big stump that wont budge until you really get angry! (think Incredible Hulk angry – although more Incredible Bulk!)

With each push of the spade into the earth I was thinking about something that had caused my depression and the poor roots of the trees did not stand a chance. Not only was it a great form of therapy it was also hard work so bingo! 2 for the price of one in the same afternoon. I also discovered I’m a bit of a madman with a pair of secateurs and overgrowing ivy.

It is nice to be outside in the fresh air and sunshine as opposed to the same four walls and darkness, it can improve your mood to have a bit of warmth beating down on you and a bit of hard work to get the blood racing. I am more and more aware of the benefits of  embracing different ideas to work on bringing my mood up and gardening is something I wish I had the opportunity to do more off.

Distractions are important when dealing with depression, having something to do to take your mind off the daily stresses and worries that weigh us down. If you are lucky enough to have a garden get out there and enjoy it, if it needs working on even better as you have a target to aim for and reach. My great aunt has asked me to go around and help her with some gardening and I cant wait to get out there!

If you do not have a garden how about Ecominds? Its a project run by Mind to get people outdoors

The following is taken from the Mind website

Ecominds projects

Through Ecominds, Mind has funded 130 environmental projects in England to provide a range outdoor of outdoor green activities for people with mental health problems. Some projects are open to all, others require you to phone up for more information, and some require referrals from your GP. Ecominds is part of the Big Lottery Fund’s Changing Spaces programme.

You can search our map to find a project near you.

why not look into it? there are lots of projects around the UK

Let me know how you get on with it, how it makes you feel, and if you have a garden does it help with your mental health?

Even better if your in London/Essex area get in touch and I can help! Im fairly cheap

If you have shrubs that need working on and are unsure how have a look at http://www.gardenhealth.com/plant-care-and-propagation/projects/how-to-prune-shrubs  it certainly helped me with my Aunts shrubs!

Guest Post – Charlie

Charlie’s Blog on Depression


I must admit that I have been depressed at times of my life, but I am a schizophrenic and have a chip on my shoulder about people with depression. I am at war, yet at their mercy, because I have loved people that are bipolar or at least suffer from depression.

I know that this is a completely irrational view, and I hate it because really what I want to do is give them a big hug and tell them everything will be okay. But depression does not work like this; it is a vacuous hole in which we are sucked. And there seems to be no escape from the downward spiral.

They say, whoever they are, that there is a fine line between us. So I reach out to you and say help me and I’ll help you. We may be different, but we have at least one similarity: we both suffer.

I hold a mirror up to myself and I see all kinds of terrors in my mind. As someone who is depressed, if you hold a mirror up to yourself you see the same. But remember with balance comes light, and in that light comes form, shape and color. It is these things that will help you to lead a normal life, so I say to you “express yourself” in some way. It is through self-expression that we find catharsis.

I guess what I am trying to say is that we all hurt, but as an outsider to your darkness it hurts me to see you like this. And there seems to be nothing I can do, my helplessness is the seed for my hatred of your condition. I know you have to live with your condition as I have to live with mine, but we have to live with each other’s too. Therefore I suggest that I do not start a war with you, and you smile, because as we all know smiling helps a great deed!

I can’t see that I can say anything more, except that I am thinking of you; I think of you everyday when I find it hard to smile. For I get sad, terribly so, too. But I think that things are going to work out alright for us, I really do. Because life is for living so I reach out to you and say “no, it is time to step out of the darkness and into the light”. Easier said than done I know.

I cannot say anymore, funny I wanted to leave on a high note. I guess we all do, so here we go. No inspiration, it ceases.

Hey, look behind you. Nothing there, well it could be worse, much worse, it could be me smiling inanely and saying “smile your on candid camera”; was that a high note, no just an attempt to make you smile. Did it work? I guess not.

Goodbye for now,

Charlie Charles