Only a Dream?

It is not often that I remember my dreams, usually if I do it is because they are so ridiculous that they stand out. For the past few months I have a recurring dream of opening a meeting place for people with depression/mental health illnesses to come and spend their days playing games, meeting folks etc. The Depressed Moose Centre if you will (name might need some work LOL)

I am a pretty spiritual person with strong beliefs in the afterlife and believe that people who have passed on contact you via dreams, in the past my uncles have visited me often to send me messages of support when I have been feeling low.

However the last couple of nights I have had disturbing dreams about my Uncle Ron, for those new to my blog I looked after Ron until his death and it is one of the biggest factors of my depression. The kind of dreams where you wake up and it feels so real that you find it hard to believe it did not happen.

I am sat at his old flat listening to him tell me that I could and should have done more to help him while he struggled and died in hospital. How he blames me for it everything. I woke up yesterday feeling really triggered by the dream, or maybe nightmare would be a better word.

It’s something completely foreign to me as usually my dreams revolve around me Mila Kunis, Cheryl Cole and a bottle of Jack Daniels and baby oil!

Now I am pretty sure in myself that I could not have done anything more for Ron so why almost 3 years since his death am I having these negative dreams/visits. Why when things were starting to look up for me? and why cant I shake the feeling that he is trying to get a message to me?

Have you had experience with these sort of dreams? How do you deal with them? I’m finding it hard to push it out my mind, and with my run coming up in 2 days it is really dragging me down when I should be starting to focus on dragging my body 10 Km!

Any advice welcomed…

10 comments on “Only a Dream?

  1. Sounds like a very difficult nightmare for you, I know spiriituality is important to you, i’m crap at giving advice, but I hope you’ll let me tell you this, that I believe you are a good person, and would have always done as much as you could from everything I have read on this blog. Best wishes to you


  2. As someone who has dreams (as they call it), your dreams are multilayered. At the first level, your subconscious tells you, you are feeling guilty because ‘you’ would have wanted to do much more than what you did do; and even though, you did do all that you could, really! At the second level, it is a prophetic dream. One in which, you uncle is warning you of something similar in nature, that you can effect change the outcome of. And it could be, just something awfully a person will accuse you of, and that you can change the outcome of. At the third level, it is a presage, a warning about something…


  3. That is a horrible nightmare. I am often triggered by my dreams/nightmares and it’s sometimes worse as that feeling is real but because it was triggered by something that wasn’t real (as such) it makes it harder to deal with and then there’s the fact that there is nothing that can be done about it!

    I agree with trustnickieg. There is layer 1 that you feel you should have done more (although you couldn’t), layer 2 referring maybe to the fact that you are going through so much with holding your family together, and layer 3 maybe it’s your own needs that aren’t being met. You’re so busy running around making sure everyone else is ok and doing things for everyone else that you’re neglecting yourself and your uncle can see this and wants you to be looking after Moose.

    It is normally something we are lacking ourselves that surface in our dreams, just like you get a food craving when your body is lacking a nutrient.

    I hope this helps.


  4. I was going to say something similar believe it or not – I truly believe that like Jem said that things that we lack ourselves surface in our dreams. Even though I have insomnia, when I do sleep I have many night terrors and nightmares. Two different things but born out of the subconscious level I feel. My boyfriend died a while back now of cancer – it was a short illness. He was in New Zealand where he was from as he was about to return to this country to live and I was here. I should have been with him but was a critical point at uni – we didn’t think he was going to die. I dream of it often – the what ifs and if onlys. Sometimes it can be that looking at photos of him will help – not just going through them but taking time out, grabbing a brew and sitting starring – remembering how things used to be with fondness and love and not what eventually happened. It is better when I have facebooked those that knew him – I find it hard to talk about over the phone. I think you need to take some time out and just prioritise stuff – I say just as if it were something that can be done easily. Like you by the sound of things – I run round like a lunatic trying to make sure everyone else is Ok – hoping that they are not worrying about me too much and then just end up being someone who I’m really not. You can only paint on the smile for so long. This is something that is bothering you greatly – perhaps it’s time to sit back and be with your lovely family and things might just start to work themselves out.


  5. Wow what a horrid dream. I haven’t been able to read all your other comments so don’t know what everyone else thinks but my immediate thoughts were: the fact it is your uncle is irrelevant, the context is irrelevant, what is relevant is the feelings. You are FEELING in some area of your life that you should be doing more, or could have done more, an area that is obviously very very important to you. xx


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