Bullied….By Myself

I am a victim of bullying.

As a kid I was bullied for wearing glasses, I was bullied for being good at football, i was bullied for having a twitch with my nose that made me look like a bunny rabbit! I was bullied for being mouthy as well. I was one of those kids who could never keep his mouth shut and got a few well deserved good hidings as a result of my big mouth.

Only these things were, to me, a part of growing up and did not really impact on my life as a kid/teenager. Those days I could counter any abuse with my own vicious tongue and gave as good as I got more often than not!

But now I am bullied and tormented daily.

Everyday I am told how useless I am, that I am a failure, a waste of space, a shit father and husband and how my blog and books are awful etc.

The difference now is that the person bullying me is myself!

So the question is how do you deal with the self esteem issues that eat away at you?

There has always been 2 Garry’s. There was the one who wore glasses and there was the one who wore contact lenses.

The difference between the 2 of them was one had confidence and the other did not.

One was capable of talking to and approaching women in night clubs etc and did not give a shit about rejection etc. The other would sit in the corner.

One would dance the night away not caring what anyone thought of his “unique” moves. The other wouldn’t even be in a club to begin with.

So when did the change from being confident person (albeit a front) to this person know who I barely recognise?

I know which person I prefer being!

People who have met me in real life recently will be surprised to know about my self esteem issues as I think I carry myself off as a confident, self assured person. To an extent I am, especially when surrounded by other people.

I am surprised myself that I suffer from low self esteem! it really does make me laugh because I know it is not the real me! but then when was the last time I was the real Garry?

With this in mind I am going to try a different approach for the next month and focus on everything positive that I do or have done! A post explaining more will follow shortly!

Anyways I heard this song written by Jessie J about bullying and I wanted to share it with you. I am playing this as my confident self to the Garry who bullies me because as of this moment I am putting a stop to it and standing up for myself!

One of those songs where lyrics jump out at you and inspire you!

 

Oh, so you think you know me now
Have you forgotten how
You would make me feel
When you dragged my spirit down?
But thank you for the pain
It made me raise my game
And I’m still rising, I’m still rising

Yeah Yeah

So make your jokes
Go for broke
Blow your smoke
You’re not alone
But who’s laughing now
But who’s laughing now
So raise the bar
Hit me hard
Play your cards
Be a star
But who’s laughing now
But who’s laughing now

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10 comments on “Bullied….By Myself

  1. I think this is a very strong post. An eye opener to me. Why do we do this to ourselves? It could be a phase of going to a level of better understanding, but why is this level not here right now? I have no answers. But this post is spot on!

  2. Well you can add helping others to the positive list for one! Thank you for this post. In parts it reminds me of me (although I wish I had been good at a sport and been a bit more mouthy!). I never really thought of it as bullying myself but I guess I do. To people who haven’t been bullied and ask me why I feel stupid, ugly, useless I say if you are told by so many people every day that you are a duck, you start to question it and become convinced that if so many people say you are a duck you must be. Now rather than their faces looking at me with disdain spouting horrible things at me, it’s mine, every time I look in the mirror.
    Thank you for your post; today is being rough on me so far so knowing that there is someone out there who understands helps, although I really wish you hadn’t gone through it and aren’t going through it. xxx

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