Help Me!

Two of the hardest words to say in the world, forget the difficulty of “I Love You” that is a piece of cake compared to having to say “Help Me”.

Why is it so hard though?

It appears that having to ask for help is considered as a sign of weakness – as far as I am concerned the opposite is true. Admitting you need help shows a tremendous amount of strength and courage.

Asking for help shows that you know that there is something wrong that needs fixing and you cannot do it by yourself. The weakness is living in denial, refusing to accept that there is a problem and ignoring everything connected to the problem.

The question is why do we consider asking for help to be a sign of weakness? or why do we struggle to ask for help?

Fear of rejection is a main reason judging by what I have seen on the internet.

I am one of the lucky ones to have a wonderfully supportive wife who is there for me no matter what. I saddens me when I read that people have asked for help only to be  told “snap out of it” and the usual bollocks that people with no understanding of mental health illnesses.

The sad thing is that usually it is family members who we most feel able to turn to and more often than not they appear to be the least helpful people to ask for help. Certainly in my own experience I can rely on my online friends for support a lot more than my family.

Naturally we also do not ask for help because we feel that others do not understand what we are going through but then this depends on the sort of help we need.

Sometimes just offering a friendly ear is the best help you can offer someone. Usually we already know the solution to our problems but just getting them off our chests and hearing a different perspective can make a difference.

I found an interesting webpage on asking for help and why we think its a sign of weakness here and here are some words of wisdom taken from there

  • You may feel that you’re totally independent and don’t need any help, or that any person offering you help may be doubting your ability to remain independent. You might have been raised to be especially independent or felt independent from an early age as a result of circumstances, such as irresponsible parents resulting in a need to “raise yourself”.
  • You may be frightened of rejection or you may have a tendendency to perfectionism; both motivations can cause you to avoid accepting help for fear of failing or being seen as a failure.
  • You may have had a much harder life than others and had to work harder than others you see around you now, or you may simply feel yourself far more independent. Consequently, you might feel that people not handling their own affairs is a sign of inferiority or incompetence.
  • You might feel vulnerable. Perhaps somebody let you down in the past and you swore never to let that happen again, and spun a cocoon of self-reliance as your chief defense. Not wanting to show your perceived vulnerability can cause you to refrain from asking for help.
  • You may feel that your experience of the insecurity that flows through life (such as through experiencing a difficult illness or other challenging problem) is something that you have coped with alone despite wishing you’d had help, and, in turn, you might wish others get over their own insecurities the same way that you were obliged to do.

Make sense don’t they but personally speaking the best decision I made was seeking help, even when I am having a bad time I know there are 2 or 3 people who I can turn to instantly.

But what if your the person who someone has come to for help? do you know what to do or say? do you think you can help a fellow sufferer without making yourself ill in the process?

I mix with lots of people on twitter and facebook who have mental health illnesses and one thing I have found is how supportive of each other we all are but there is support and there is help and for me there is a big difference between the two things.

In an emergency would you ask someone for help? or more importantly would you accept help if it was offered?

Is it a case of not knowing where the right help is available? eg the Samaritans?

Where do you stand on asking for help? is it a no no?

For me if anyone comes to me for help the first thing I do is remind them how much strength it took to ask in the first place!

anyway on the subject of “Help” enjoy this classic song clip – not the Beatles version but one done by bananarama with Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders from comic relief in 1989 i think


13 comments on “Help Me!

  1. Excellent blog, it raises a very important issue. You obviously know the difference between help and support, and that is a very difficult thing to work out. Help is so hard to ask for. For me it was because I thought I would be seen as a time wasting neurotic , a fear I have always had. But I am so glad I did. This question of asking for help is as important as any other mental health problem it’s where we start getting better or at least learning to manage our illness and support is what keeps us going when we stumble.


  2. ‘Help me’ are two of the most difficult words I have ever said. Even when my black dog puts in another appearance, I try to put a ‘happy face’ on until I can hide away. But, to ask for help, even on-line, takes an immense amount of courage. Who cares? I don’t want to burden you, you have enough problems of your own. You may even have a life! Just three of the things stopping me from saying Help.


  3. Hi, very nice post. I tend not to ask for help so much myself, which has in the past caused problems to build up until I snapped. Now, when I see warning signs I go to the doctors to have a chat and also post a blog to get my feelings out. It is an important issue, part of it I think is knowing the warning signs ourselves, and also how to express our own feelings. All the best


  4. The Bananrama version of Help! was the first tape I ever bought.

    I don’t ask people for help because I feel like I shouldn’t bother people with my stuff, it’s bad enough that it’s bothering me. Also because most help isn’t especially helpful. I have stuff that I need to ask someone for help with now, but I don’t know who I could possibly ask or how it could possibly improve the situation.


  5. Pingback: Hi, how are you? « terrysthoughtsandthreads

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