22 comments on “Guilt, Anger and Feeling Sorry for Myself

  1. I’m the same with money, even when I can’t afford it I go spending money on Ebay buying things I don’t really need. I guess like your gambling, it is the temporary buzz that keeps driving me back to it. Unfortunately debt and depression often seem to go hand in hand.

    Have you discussed your sleep problems with your GP? I sleep patters have improved considerably since changing to Mirtazipine. Although it is not a panacea and I still get the low moods I do at least sleep better nowadays.

    Good luck with the tattoo. I had my second one a couple of weeks ago and find it less painful than a trip to the dentist.

  2. In a recent post you mentioned that you were finally starting therapy. That is very good to know. I think that the more chance you give therapy and being prescribed the right meds, things will straighten out better for you and your moods will be more evened out. Gambling is a huge part of Bipolar disorder and just spending money recklessly is a symptom of Bipolar Disorder. I hope that ongoing Therapy is something that you can afford. Realizing and accepting mental illness are very good first steps in treatment. But getting to the place where it can be controlled is harder and nearly impossible without help. I personally also would add that prayer is another good help.

  3. I am sorry that you are feeling “down in it” today. I hope that you can make it through without causing damage like you described. Maybe just putting it out there in this post can help you keep your head above water…

    I know what it feels like to be stuck inside of yourself…looking outside, wanting to get out, but you are chained there. It is so strange to be self-aware, yet still unable to control it.

    I hope that you can keep talking and moving through it. And I hope that it helps you~

  4. You lost a bunch of your money AND your wife’s money gambling and you are still going to spend hundreds getting a tattoo?? You were justifying it because you won $300 playing bingo but apparently now you are in the hole. How do you justify it now?

    • 1) I am not spending 100s on this tattoo where people are getting this from I do not know
      2) I did not say I was in a hole nor did I say that I had lost more than I recently won, which is not the case
      3) I do not need to justify it to you or anyone else

      thanks for the comments though appreciate you stopping by and being so forthright and judgmental

  5. Oh, and if you’re being dishonest with your wife about where the money is going, you definitely have a serious gambling problem. It doesn’t matter if it’s been a few months or a few years since you’ve done it last.

  6. There should be no guilt, only truth, … sometimes the messenger cannot handle the truth, sometimes we suppose the receiver would not be able to handle the truth. But from what you have written before, I think Sheryl can handle the truth … but i could be wrong. Pleading guilty is a first step towards a lasting solution.
    You could expect some stormy weather though, but a warrior should not fear the storm, only fear itself. We can only learn from our (repeated) mistakes.

    Perhaps the following gives some liberating insight:
    “Sadness gives depth. Happiness gives height. Sadness gives roots. Happiness gives branches. Happiness is like a tree going into the sky, and sadness is like the roots going down into the womb of the earth. Both are needed, and the higher a tree goes, the deeper it goes, simultaneously. The bigger the tree, the bigger will be its roots. In fact, it is always in proportion. That’s its balance.” ― Osho

  7. I’m sorry you’re struggling at the moment. You’ve done really well to admit about the gambling here, maybe the next step is to tell Sheryl about it. I know it will be very difficult, and she might be angry/upset, but if she knows about it she will be able to help you through this. If you can, try and find ways to stop yourself gambling money away, although it gives a temporary buzz (I find shopping has this effect on me), in the end it will end up with you feeling worse. Also, reading the comments I was very disappointed to read a very judgmental and unfair comment. You do not deserve that, and what you need is support not criticism. Good luck with the tattoo tomorrow, and take care of yourself x

  8. Hey sweetheart. Sounds like you are in a bad place, so first of all I’m going to send some hugs and encouragement.

    Here’s my tuppence worth: you’re not well and your poorly brain is making decisions that you wouldn’t otherwise make. Gambling, spending money on things you convince yourself you ‘need’ and lying about it all is not the sign of a well brain. Please make sure that you talk to your doctor about this?

    I hope you won’t think me judgemental. It’s just that I’ve been guilty of similar reckless behaviour in the past, and from my experience it doesn’t end well.

    xxx

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