Honest Sunday

Following on from my absolute BS post yesterday about feeling better I have to come clean and admit that I am really struggling again.

I am now completely run down to the point where I now have a cold (please God don’t let it be man flu) and the signs of bronchitis just to compound my misery.

My energy levels are at an all time low due to lack of decent sleep for the past few weeks. My mood is down, my motivation has gone.

Writing anything of note is apparently out of my capabilities currently, the number of posts I have in my trash file has increased 10 fold the last week, my novel has stalled completely and I feel like nothing is ever going to go right for me.

Every single thing that I used to enjoy, like reading my mafia books, does nothing for me anymore!

And my sex drive has gone awol too which doesn’t help my shitty mood either!

I am having second thought about keeping the dog now as well. I am sick of him waking me up early every morning clawing at me, my back looks like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct has been at it!

Last time I had scratches like that down my back was during a rather exciting alcohol fueled romp!

The dog is just too much responsibility than I can handle right now, I can barely look after myself at the moment!

Presently I am just one miserable, angry and bitter person and it pisses me off!

It annoys me that I feel like I have to lie to myself (and you) that I am doing well when it could not be further from the truth. It is funny that I get such a kick out of helping other people with depression but cannot seem to help myself.

The biggest thrill in my life at the moment comes from helping out strangers and knowing that something I have said or written has made them seek help, especially men as I know how hard it is to admit their is a need for help.

To top it all off someone very kindly used the donate button on my blog for me to purchase my paperback books and would you believe the effing things have not turned up yet and appear to be lost in the post! Imagine being so poor you cannot afford your own books LOL

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Thus it appears that tricking myself into believing I am better does not work wonders so it is back to the drawing board on that.

 

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24 comments on “Honest Sunday

  1. Moose… there are people around you with major crisis in their life…
    be happy that you don’t have such crisis…
    you are nice… and God has been nicer to you …

  2. Oh I wish you didn’t have to get rid of the dog. I know what you mean though. My dog wakes me up every morning all excited and chipper When I am not even fully awake. I fuss at her and stay grumpy until my coffee is ready lol. I hope that you can find a good home for him. As for your struggling today, maybe tell God all the things you are thankful for, He has done a lot for you.

  3. Thinking of you today. I’m glad you were able to get some of that out on your blog rather than it also heading to the trash bin xx

  4. Garry you are a mighty warrior with a dauntiful task. there are many people and forces that would love to see you fail and not help so many, but your courage too face each day with honesty is so helpful to so Nothing worth gaining is gained without a fight. know that I have your back as do many others and may an east wind come blow the clouds and foes away! ❤

  5. I’m sorry you are having such a rotten time. I know what you mean about ‘putting a brave face on it’ and pretending everything is okay but that isn’t the same thing as lying, you know?

    Take it easy chicken 😉

  6. Very sorry to read this but, you’re definitely not alone in having to put on a brave face at times. However you feel right now, I’m sure you would come to regret losing the dog later on.

    When I was living on my own (with the dog), I used to get very irritable and almost took it out on her at times (verbally). It wasn’t fair on her and, if I hadn’t moved back home, I may’ve also considered what’s going through your mind.

    But, when I haven’t walked her for a while, she’s nagging me and I just don’t feel like bothering, I find that getting out in the fresh air for an hour really does help to lift things from my mind and I appreciate having her around again. 🙂

    Dogs don’t really ask for much – they just ask at the wrong times!

  7. I’m sorry to see that you were feeling bad. I’m glad that I already know that today has been better for you.
    As for the dog, I felt the same way about the kitten. She really knocked me off balance in a way that I was not all expecting, but if I gave her away I know it would only feed my depression. I’d be lying awake at night feeling guilty for having failed her. Plus she’s quite good at not letting me spend all day in bed being depressed. I don’t know if it might not be the same for you with the dog?

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