Good Days Feel Like Something From the Past

I haven’t had a “good” day for so long now, it feels like weeks since I felt positive about anything that is going on.

I really just cannot shake myself out of this negative frame of mind that I am in and expect everything to go wrong lately, as I said in the past if I did not have bad luck in my life I wouldn’t have any luck whatsoever but just lately everything is grinding me down. I feel like I am slowly being sucked in a whirlpool.

All I seem to be doing lately is sleeping during the day. I don’t sleep at night until 3am, on average, and usually wake up after 4 hours. Within 2 hours I just want to head back to bed and stay there all day.

I have no energy, I am emotionally drained and physically I have nothing to offer.

And it is pissing me off!

I should be happy with the things I have done lately, but with all the crap that is going on with every other aspect of my life I just cant focus on anything good.

To be honest depression is walking all over me at this moment in time and I do not have the strength to fight back. I am so much more content when helping other people because I can take my mind off my own issues.

Issues that are getting worse. Financially between Sheryl and I we have a bank balance of -£180, yes that is a minus sign.

I miss having a car because I cannot do public transport, it is too traumatic for me with the IBS and worrying about any potential accidents I may have (with the IBS not any traffic accidents)

I feel like I could give up very easily which goes against everything I stand for, How can I claim to help others when I cant even help myself?

But fighting back and pretending to be positive is too draining, I have nothing left in the tank.

Too many things are getting to me, If Elizabeth makes that whining sound again today I think I am gonna go mental!

I want my focus back that I had when working on the books, I am at a standstill on my romance novel because I just cant be bothered to do anything!

It’s a tough time in my world at the moment and hopefully this is the “got to get worse before it gets better” stage because if things get any worse I may just go to bed and hibernate until next year.

 

Sorry if I am letting people down at the moment, I certainly feel that is the case. I am trying get better but at the moment it’s not happening in the way I would like.

5pm as I write this, soon be tomorrow and who knows maybe it will bring with it some new resolve.

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8 comments on “Good Days Feel Like Something From the Past

  1. You aren’t letting anyone down Garry! It’s ok not to be ok sometimes, everyone has those periods (I am not trying to trivialise your depression, just trying to say everyone has down periods, they just may be on different scales.) Don’t beat yourself up about it or you’ll end up feeling worse. I hope things change for the better soon, keep trying to stay positive and take little steps. Publishing your SECOND book was a great achievement – try to think of that instead of dwelling on the negative. I know everything I am saying is easier said than done, and I am a massive hypocrite as I find it very hard to stay positive myself, but what I’m trying to say in a round about away is that we are all here for you, and things will get better. Don’t give up – I know you can do it!

  2. Moosey,

    You can’t make yourself get better. You don’t have to apologize for how you feel. Have you thought of going to emerg. at the hospital and getting some immediate help? it sounds like you’re in a place where help can’t wait. Thinking of you

  3. You aren’t letting anyone down just because you aren’t having a positive week. We are concerned when someone is down, but we don’t sit and expect you to stay happy and positive about everything. Life still goes on . Unfortunately it goes on beating us up no matter what good is coming our way. Garry (spelled it right!) these feeling you speak of, I also have too lots of times. Even the financial aspect. Don’t feel like you have let yourself down, don’t take that pressure. The things that you are having to deal with would be somewhat depressing even to someone who normally isn’t depressed. These are real issues.Things that can make anyone feel down. When we get way up and feel great about something, a lot of us get that down feeling afterward. That doesn’t mean that you are falling back into depression . Depression is when one feels hopeless and worthless when there isn’t really a reason to feel that way. You’re having a fairly normal reaction to the events in your life.. But of course I am not saying that is a good thing. But in my opinion is that these are the kinds of things would be best handled by giving the problems financial and otherwise to God.In these times it is good to try and have faith. Hang in there! Things might work out before you know it.(((hug)))

  4. Oh Garry I am sorry things feel like poo. Wish I could make it better for you. As already mentioned you are not letting anyone down. You are in a funk and good old depression takes everything positive away from your line of vision leaving only the negative. You have achieved so much and nothing can take that away from you. The light will shine again soon x

  5. Oh dear – I’m so sorry you feel this way at the moment. I wish I could give you a magic wand to make it all better…

    Do you manage to sleep during the day? I ask because sleep needs a routine.

    Anyway. I suppose you know what I’m going to say to you don’t you? Keep on keeping on. Feelings pass in time.

    WeeGee

    PS. You are NOT, repeat NOT letting anybody down. Okay?!

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