Lately on Facebook I have started to feel like I am invisible to all but a select few people. I guess it comes from no longer playing mafia wars and therefor not having anything in common with most of the people who are still on my friends list (130 people).
One thing I have noticed about myself, especially on the days when I feel most depressed is how needy I am. I like to feel like people are interested in me as a person and crave attention and affection. Let me give you an example of this, I posted the following as a status update on Facebook yesterday
“How would you know how I am, you never ask!”
This was posted over 24 hours ago and ONE person responded to it! one out of 130 “friends”!
I am the sort of person who doesn’t like always having to make the first contact because I feel like people should want to know how I am, as opposed to me forcing onto them. Does this make me a bad person? I have had this chat with many of my female friends on facebook and they all say it should be down to me to initiate contact but why should that be the case? Shouldn’t people who know I have depression be trying to see how I am?
My Facebook page dedicated to this blog has 85 “likes” and to me it pisses me off that some of my “friends” haven’t liked it. Why haven’t they? Would it really hurt them to take 1 minute out of their game playing time to click like? Because it hurts me that they haven’t!
This shows me how depression is really a lonely illness. We all need someone who is going to take 5 minutes and ask “how are you?” and really mean it, really want to know the truth as opposed to the automatic “I’m ok thank you” response. The more people who ask the better it makes us feel because we don’t want to feel like we are invisible. I am not going to rip your head off for asking neither am I going to open the flood gates and drown you with tears!
Later on I posted the following status message
Had a great day today for those who asked! 2 in a row here’s hoping it continues tomorrow!
In less than 10 hours 7 people have liked this and one person has commented.
What does this tell me? Quite simply that people are only interested in the “positive” comments and not the ones where they can sit there and roll their eyes thinking “here we go again Garry is in a mood”.
Now don’t get me wrong although this appears to be a rant its really an observation into how people deal with others with depression. I am sure some of you will comment about the same sort of issues, HINT HINT please comment :-). So I assume from now on the need to only post positive things will draw people back to me ?
I wonder how many of these people would notice if my account was suddenly deleted, would they care? would I be missed?
What I do know is that the wordpress community feels more like home to me these days than Facebook! So maybe you lot should be adding me on Facebook and keeping me busy 🙂
I am not invisible but on the depressed days I sure as hell feel like it!
Garry
The Depressed Moose 
hi, firstly i wont do facebook, i hate it, full of false people with fake personalities and that’s just the people i know personally ! secondly i read this and agree with you people do glaze over when they see negative stuff it takes a strong person and by that i mean that over 80% of the people i meet in my day to day life are as deep as a puddle and simply do not have the strength to even pretend to be interested in anyone but themselves, so i say again it takes a strong person to approach anyone who is experiencing problems, that being said it may interest you to know that i actually tagged you in the list of blogs i like to read, so i read your blog i may not always know what to say to you, but i am here and i do listen to what your saying, i wont say have a super day as is my usual case for i know your days are each a separate issue to you , but i would hope that each is the best it can be for you and if it is i am happy and if it isn’t i will listen xx
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today is the 3rd good day in a row – i have noticed I tend to have a cycle of 3/4 good days and 2/3 bad ones I know this might be seen as a rant against people but its really not meant to be. Just how I see things. I will get on your questions as I love them 😀
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It’s a shame you feel that way Garry 😦 , Facebook is a very strange place so I wouldn’t take it personally if people don’t respond to your statuses! Long may your good days continue! 🙂
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Its nice to feel wanted though isnt it 😀
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Oh yeah, always! 🙂
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If it wasn’t an easy way to stay in touch with my sons I would leave FB and never look back..I am glad you are having good days!
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Dear Garry,
I don’t really understand the point of Facebook. I made a Dotty Headbanger profile and page but I don’t do anything much on them, and I don’t have a ‘real’ life account.
From what I can gather I think it’s all about sheer nosiness and wanting to see what people are getting up to now – some people I know, within minutes of joining Facebook, have been added by old schoolfriends and work colleagues they haven’t seen in years – family members they’re no longer in contact with crawl out of the woodwork too. My opinion is that if all these ‘Facebook friends’ were true friends (or family) there’d be no reason to have them as Facebook friends because they’d be part of your life anyway.
I see what you’re saying about it being an observation rather than a rant, but it’s obviously bothered you enough for you to write a post about it. Forget about Facebook – concentrate on your true friends who you know will support you no matter what, both in the real world and online. Most people are too wrapped up in their own mundanities to give a shite about anyone else – BUT you can bet if you won the lottery you’d be the most popular person around, inundated with Likes and comments and begging messages. (I’m a cynical cow, but that’s how I see it).
Love Dotty xxx
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I actually made the point of writing this themed post in a good mood because I didn’t want it to appear rantish (a new word?) but remember I have spent the last 4 years feet first in the world of facebook 24/7 somedays LOL. But the point I was trying (badly) to make is that its not just facebook where people with depression are ignored unless they appear to be smiling on the outside. I did have a lottery win once but that £10 didnt last very long 🙂
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Interesting theory, but not sure if I agree.The number of people that watch the news is staggering and almost always is negative, even the weather these days is all about stay inside our suffer from something horrible.
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Hi Juliana stay indoors today a crazy smiley happy moose is roaming around 🙂
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Ive thought the same about FB too and also my friends off FB. I find if I dont contact some of them, most of them, that I just dont hear from them. Even the couple that know I have depression. I dont like telling many people about my depression, anxiety, panic attacks, Im worried about what they will think.
I dont even hear from my family and they know I have been struggling for the last 18 months. If I did die, I think it would take a long time for anyone to even notice I was gone. So I really know what you mean.
BUT, there a some people on here that are listening, even if we dont always comment. I follow your blog and hope we can all help support each other in some way. K 🙂
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Thank You K, guess the lesson for me is to focus on the ones who do listen as opposed to those who dont 🙂
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Reblogged this on tryingtoescapethedarkness and commented:
I also feel If I did die, it would take family and friends a long time to even notice I was gone.
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Your first status was deliberately attention-seeking. That’s not the way to connect with people. And honestly, communication is a two-way street. Sometimes YOU have to start it. You can’t expect people to start a sincere conversation with you, just because it’s you, and just because you’re depressed. Reach out to friends and they’ll meet you halfway- but don’t talk about your depression, talk about something you have in common, like your mafia wars.
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makes a lot of sense thank you 🙂
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Rant on:
Rant off:
I know exactly what you mean. Remember my invisible avatar? Yeah, I so know. ♥ Hope you’re alright today, Mooseman. Just had an arguesation with my daughter so you see how my day is going to go, right? blech
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yep im great today! glad you know what I mean I really dont want this appear to be a rant lol
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Hi Gary – I can totally relate. I have done that before with an online status and continue to try to share with my ‘friends’ on a more personal level, even then I have noticed people do not like to hear the negative. Now I started to blog to express my feelings. Thank you for your blog 🙂
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Thank you seems I was not alone in feeling this way which makes me feel better 😀
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I am guilty of ignoring specific friend’s depressed statuses. Mostly because I can no longer deal with people who are consistently depressed, because the majority of them have nothing else to talk about other then their lives being worthless or how horrible everything is. Being someone who suffers from depression regularly myself, I used to sit and listen to friends who were like this all the time. After dealing with one friend attempting suicide and having to call the friends/family of another friend who was talking about attempting suicide within 6 months of each other, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I realized the hardest part of being friends with people who are depressed all the time and who do not have anything else to talk about is that it magnifies your own depression and causes you constant worry and ill mental health if you jump to help these people every time they post a status looking for attention on Facebook.
My advice to these sorts of people now is to go to your doctor, get a prescription medication that works for you, and then arrange a meeting with a therapist. If you are unable to cope with your own problems and take the steps necessary to get help, I will be your friend and try to be there for you as much as possible while you get professional help to get through it. However, if you do not take steps to help yourself get better, there is nothing I can do to make you feel better. I am not a psychologist or a doctor, and I have heard every depressed story there is and dealt with more suicidal people then I care to remember, and it does little good to sit and listen to someone who refuses to help themselves get well. It just makes you sick inside and makes it hard for you to function and support the people who will benefit greatly from your support.
I would like to add to that though that if you know someone who is in a bad situation, such as an abusive relationship or is a young person with abusive parents, sometimes listening and encouraging them to get out of the situation CAN make a difference. However, the people with clinical depression who are unable to function in normal, every day life, need to be encouraged to seek professional help, because their social circle is probably not equipped mentally or emotionally to give them the help that they need, regardless of how much they care about and love that person.
Also, if you are the person seeking support for your depression but are finding that your friends are not equipped to help you, I would recommend finding a forum online that caters to people suffering from depression. These sorts of networks can be VERY helpful in helping you deal with depressed episodes and you can make great friends through them. I am currently a member of a community based around Social Anxiety and they are some of the best people I’ve met. 🙂
I hope you don’t find this a harsh reply, I really do honestly hope that you can come to terms with your depression and get the help you need ❤ No one should have to suffer from the kind of lies your brain tells you when you are depressed. Hope things brighten up soon! ^_^
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not harsh at all a wonderful reply in my opinion thank you for sharing it with me. For the record I dont want to talk to better about my depression but I do want to talk to people. If that makes sense LOL. The orginal status was not done for attention seeking but just me letting off some steam but the differences between the two status updates and the replies did get me thinking. I am also the sort of person who thrives on helping others with problems as some of the people who have commented here and know me from facebook will testify.
Thank you for reading and commenting it really is much appreciated 🙂
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