Funny how certain things can trigger a bad mood, or the start of a down period isn’t it. For the past few days I have a song stuck in my head and cannot seem to shake it. It’s not a song about depression as such but the first few lines of the song really resonate with me and probably describe perfectly how I have been living most of my life…
People say I’m the life of the party
‘Cause I tell a joke or two
Although I might be laughing loud and hearty
Deep inside I’m blue
Recognise the song? It’s Tracks of My Tears by Smokey Robinson
I have no idea why it is in my head as I certainly have heard it on the radio recently! It has certainly got me thinking though.
As I have said before I really don’t care what people say about me BUT deep down I do care what they think about me!
Why don’t I have any close friends who want to invite me out for a drink? It has been at least 2 years since someone asked me and even then it was via a mass invite of friends on Facebook.
Since I stopped playing mafia wars and started a new personal only account on facebook I have noticed a significant drop in interaction with people in terms of numbers. Certainly going from an account with 1000s of friends to a new one with around 80 will do that to you but on a personal level I am interacting with more people.
I think I am suffering a crisis of identity today! I have been known as “The Moose” for over 3 years and was someone who was well known throughout the game. Now I am known as Garry and that’s harder for me to accept. I am used to having the persona to hide behind today I feel like people don’t want to know me for me, the man behind the moose as it were.
I had a great week with my depression so I am allowing myself a day to feel down as it’s part of the cycle and I was expecting it to come sooner rather than later. One of the great things about writing this blog is the amount of research I have done into depression so I am fully aware of what to expect and how to deal with days like today so as not to drag me down again – remember I said I was strong 🙂
Just a random post of how I feel today, I like to get it down in print so I can look at it later as blogging really does help me!