Funny how certain things can trigger a bad mood, or the start of a down period isn’t it. For the past few days I have a song stuck in my head and cannot seem to shake it. It’s not a song about depression as such but the first few lines of the song really resonate with me and probably describe perfectly how I have been living most of my life…
People say I’m the life of the party
‘Cause I tell a joke or two
Although I might be laughing loud and hearty
Deep inside I’m blue
Recognise the song? It’s Tracks of My Tears by Smokey Robinson
I have no idea why it is in my head as I certainly have heard it on the radio recently! It has certainly got me thinking though.
As I have said before I really don’t care what people say about me BUT deep down I do care what they think about me!
Why don’t I have any close friends who want to invite me out for a drink? It has been at least 2 years since someone asked me and even then it was via a mass invite of friends on Facebook.
Since I stopped playing mafia wars and started a new personal only account on facebook I have noticed a significant drop in interaction with people in terms of numbers. Certainly going from an account with 1000s of friends to a new one with around 80 will do that to you but on a personal level I am interacting with more people.
I think I am suffering a crisis of identity today! I have been known as “The Moose” for over 3 years and was someone who was well known throughout the game. Now I am known as Garry and that’s harder for me to accept. I am used to having the persona to hide behind today I feel like people don’t want to know me for me, the man behind the moose as it were.
I had a great week with my depression so I am allowing myself a day to feel down as it’s part of the cycle and I was expecting it to come sooner rather than later. One of the great things about writing this blog is the amount of research I have done into depression so I am fully aware of what to expect and how to deal with days like today so as not to drag me down again – remember I said I was strong 🙂
Just a random post of how I feel today, I like to get it down in print so I can look at it later as blogging really does help me!
Two points: 1) I love that song and it often rattles around in my head 2) I hear what you are saying here loud and clear. As they say, keep on keeping on 🙂
LikeLike
ahhhh so im not crazy then? or are WE both crazy lol
LikeLike
You will know from my blog that I am a full blown and unapologetic nutter. I don’t know what that means for you 😛
LikeLike
consider me “in training” 🙂
LikeLike
Sooooo… I’m curious. What steps are you taking to get out of your flat and meet people who YOU can ask to meet for a drink? This is not a criticism. I continue to struggle with this issue too. I love my new home but I still feel very isolated. For now, I volunteer in the library and the local women’s club. I have some other ideas too and need to get off my butt (aka computer). It’s easy to get stuck here.
LikeLike
nothing 😀
LikeLike
Any ideas then? 😛
LikeLike
im the depressed one lol your meant to give me the ideas 🙂
LikeLike
You’ll always be Moose to me :p
LikeLike
Great job Moose!!! Cindy, we all need to get out and have drinks.
LikeLike
Pingback: My Month in Blogville – A Bad Poem to Celebrate | The Depressed Moose
Giving a lot of energy to depression could make you very good at it!
I put some energies on guitar playing and got very good at it,same with cooking..I practised and got very good at it.Those who speak a lot of illness,usually have it.I am a moosemom and I practise moose medicine.We love to spread good news.Can I help out?
LikeLike
you are a moose man?
LikeLike