So after a few years of feeling down and not myself I went to my Dr and had a long chat with him about my feelings and thoughts.
It got me thinking about why men in general find talking about these things either with a partner or health care professional. I wish I had done this earlier but there seems to be a stigma about mental health issues and men. Guessing its the old “we are men and don’t need help” issue.
I must admit I had thought about going to my Dr for at least 2 years before I actually went because I had the same “don’t need help” feelings but I got inspiration from, of all places, Stan Collymore on twitter having seen a lot of his posts about depression. If someone high-profile like an ex professional footballer suffers from this, and not just Stan as Dean Windass has had his problems too, then it made me feel like I wasn’t alone in this and here I am 3 months into a course of antidepressants and starting to see the light as it were in terms of feeling better.
So where does that leave me? well I am 34 this year and have spent the best part of 2 years unemployed during that time I cared for my uncle Ron who also suffered from depression, amongst other things. After a long period of ill-health he passed away on 30th June 2011 and it left me feeling empty. I can never forget the look he gave me from his hospital bed when I said goodbye for the last time. It was as if he knew it was the last time we would see each other again and it still haunts me to this day. I am fairly spiritual so believe he is now looking over me and my children and in a better place but I still wish I could forget that look!
Now I have the issue of trying to find a job that would inspire me, excite me and motivate me but, and this is the big question, WHAT?? Surely at my age I should have an idea of what I want to do but as it stand I have no idea! Added to that is the problem of people looking at my CV and seeing how long I have been out of work and that doesn’t inspire people to employ me. Maybe I should become a politician they seem to be well paid for little work and that would suit me to the ground!
I hope you like my first attempt at “blogging” its sure felt great to write this and know people will be able to view it!
Until next time
UPDATED TO INCLUDE LINKS TO OTHER POSTS